Young Ms. Figg
by H.L.B
Summary: ALL DONE! Summer after 4th year Harry meets the weird woman house sitting next door. Life gets stranger and stranger from there.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer**: you know.

  
  


**A's Note**: I was thinking about "the old gang" most notably Arabella Figg, and hoping she was a good strong female character. She began to take shape in my mind and so did the beginning of a story... I HAVE decided to try and pound out more chapters. Warning: Ella Figg ain't Mary Sue, but she's clearly a relative.

  
  
  
  


CHAPTER ONE: Young Ms. Figg

  
  


When Harry returned to the Dursley's after his fourth year the neighborhood was all aflutter about Old Mrs. Figg, or rather young Ms. Figg. Old Mrs. Figg was the neighbor with a fondness for cats whom the Dursley's used to look after Harry when they didn't want him around. Mrs. Figg, as it turns out, had won some sort of sweepstakes grand prize which involved a lavish all-expense paid trip around the world. Aunt Petunia, whose appetite for gossip was rarely satisfied by the quiet neighborhood around number four Privet Drive, could talk of nothing else. It seemed she was frustrated by an insufficient amount of information from Mrs. Figg about the sweepstakes itself, but was consoling herself with details of the trip.

"Well, there's Europe, of course. One might expect that. Then it's on to Africa. Africa! Can you imagine Mrs. Figg in Africa?"

Uncle Dudley chuckled dismissively behind his paper, "She hardly seems the type for safari now, does she?"

"She's terribly excited, of course, though I don't imagine too much excitement is good for her at her age."

Harry was happy for Mrs. Figg. She had been boring and subjected him to endless stories about dearly departed cats, but she was nice. He wondered, however, if the Dursleys would now leave him behind at the house on his own when they went on outings. He rather doubted they trusted him, but he also knew they would rather gouge out one of their own eyeballs rather than risk the possibility that he might enjoy himself whilst along on an outing.

Of course, it wasn't likely that Aunt Petunia would tear herself away from her constant watch at the window overlooking Mrs. Figg's house any time soon. She often popped over to the window even whilst clearing away the morning's meager breakfast (Harry's cousin Dudley was still roughly the size of a killer whale and, therefore, still on a diet). Today would be a big day for Aunt Petunia. This was the day Mrs. Figg's niece would arrive to take her to the airport in London and then return to stay at the house and cat-sit for the summer.

"Really, she's supposed to be our age and unmarried, I don't know how in the world she could possibly afford to take two months to just house sit." Aunt Petunia said meaningfully.

"Perhaps she can't afford not to." Uncle Vernon replied and both he and Aunt Petunia made small superior noises of disgust.

"Wham uft yout mem?" Asked Dudley his mouth full of toast he had stolen from his father's plate while Uncle Vernon wasn't looking.

"I expect the younger Ms. Figg is unemployed and eager for a place to stay." Uncle Vernon said snidely.

Before the conversation could continue Aunt Petunia uttered a small cry of excitement and practically ran out of the kitchen. Harry assumed she had seen something and gone to the living room window to get a better look. Uncle Vernon was following her and Dudley was taking the opportunity his parents' absence provided to poach any remaining scrap of breakfast he could find on their plates. Harry put his dry toast in a napkin (mostly to keep it away from Dudley) and took the opportunity to go upstairs to his room.

He closed the door behind him and wandered past his snowy owl Hedwig's empty cage to the window whilst absentmindedly munching his toast. He had to admit that he was curious to see Mrs. Figg leave and, incidentally, curious to see a woman his Aunt and Uncle's age with nothing better to do all summer than look after four cats in an old lady's house.

A small car was parked outside Mrs. Figg's house. (Uncle Vernon, who tended to judge people by how nice their cars were, was probably feeling vindicated of his earlier opinion.) As Harry watched the front door opened and an improbable woman emerged carrying two large suitcases toward the car. The younger Figg, for that is surely who she must be, was clad in denim trousers and a denim shirt, which was not tucked in. She also wore clunky German cork and leather buckled sandals and what looked like an American baseball cap. From beneath the cap quantities of curly hair sprang out in several directions and the glint of large shiny earrings could be seen, even from Harry's window. Harry would never have guessed this woman was roughly the same age as his Aunt and Uncle. In fact, he would have guessed much younger from this distance. She looked as if she would be at home crossing Europe with a rucksack going from youth hostel to youth hostel. 

As Harry watched she stowed the suitcases in back of the car and turned to go back into the house. He noticed she was wearing round "granny glass" sunshades which only enhanced the free spirit/hippie impression. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were probably beside themselves... Uncle Vernon with righteous indignation and Aunt Petunia with the rich mine of gossip this would provide. It was almost tempting to creep back downstairs to see their reaction... almost. A moment or two later the younger Figg re-emerged with Old Mrs Figg and placed her and her valise into the front seat of the car. As they drove off Harry noticed that Old Mrs. Figg was waving back at the house... no doubt to the cats. 

Aunt Petunia could talk of nothing else the rest of the morning. Harry had rarely seen her so happy. Perhaps, if he were lucky, this would draw her attention away from making him miserable for a while. Dudley, meanwhile, didn't seem to care all that much about their strange summer neighbor. He merely sat in front of the television pouting because he wasn't allowed to snack. This put him in perfect position to answer the door (although Aunt Petunia did have to ask him twice) when the bell rang about lunchtime.

"Mum!" Dudley boomed, "It's that lady who's staying next door! You know the one you said-" 

"Dudley! Dear!"

Harry, who had heard all this clearly from upstairs imagined Aunt Petunia had rushed to hush Dudley. Curious about the strange woman Harry crept quietly down the stairs to have a listen.

"Mrs. Dursley, how nice to meet you and your, er, charming son Dudley" a voice was saying, "I'm Ella Figg, Elspeth Figg's niece. I'll be your next door neighbor for a couple of months while she is on her trip."

Ella Figg. Somehow that name seemed familiar to Harry but he couldn't place it. Carefully he crept off the bottom stair and snuck forward to have a peek. Through a crack in the hall door he could see Dudley looking longingly toward the living room (where the television still blared) while Aunt Petunia attempted to pry information out of the younger Figg. 

At closer range, Harry could see Ella Figg was not as young as she appeared at a distance. Silver hair wound itself among the curls of her hair and there were lines on her face. Still, as she stood there with her sunshades perched on the bill of her baseball cap, she looked, well, all right. 

"Oh, you don't want to hear about my work, Mrs. Dursley, I'm sure you would be bored to tears. I just wanted to come over and introduce myself. I hope to see you again soon." and with a smile Ella Figg was gone, leaving a thoroughly fascinated and frustrated Aunt Petunia in the entrance hall staring out after her. 

  
  


Figg watching became Aunt Petunia's new sport over the next week or so, which worked out well for Harry since it occupied a great deal of her free time. Furthermore, discussing the minute details of her observations with Uncle Vernon when he returned home in the evening kept _him_ occupied as well. Harry figured as long as he was as unobtrusive as possible, he might manage to stay under their otherwise occupied radar and have a somewhat decent time. He blessed Mrs. Figg and whatever sweepstakes she had won and prayed Aunt Petunia's fascination with her niece would last a good long time.

Indeed, Ms. Figg seemed to be very busy and was providing Aunt Petunia with plenty to watch. It seemed she was determined to give her Aunt's house a thorough cleaning for Ella Figg could be constantly seen washing windows, pouring out dirty buckets of water into the street drain, and hanging innumerable curtains, dust-covers, and doilies out on the line. Harry was amused to note that quite often when Aunt Petunia was watching her through the lace curtains of number four, Ella Figg would look up and wave at her quite cheerfully. Aunt Petunia invariably colored a bit at this but said nothing.

Although watching his Aunt watch Ms. Figg was a distraction, Harry found he still had a lot of things on his mind this summer. After the frightening and disturbing events at the end of last term at Hogwarts, Harry supposed it was natural. Voldemort's return and his determination to succeed in killing Harry gave Harry some fitful nights and anxious days. He had resolved to brood on this as little as possible and take things as they came, but his mind could not help but dwell on the unpleasant memories in his quieter moments.

His friends Ron and Hermione, had been especially good about sending him letters which both distracted him and helped him feel less lonely and isolated. Hermione had even given him an early birthday present of a summer subscription to The Daily Prophet, the wizarding newspaper. There was also plenty of schoolwork to occupy Harry's attention. Harry's professors at Hogwarts had given rising fifth years an astounding amount of work to do over the summer break as part of their preparation to take Ordinary Wizarding Level (O.W.L.) exams the next year.

Even though underage wizards were forbidden by law to do magic outside of school, it turned out there was plenty of magical theory to learn and far too many potions and spells to be memorized. In fact, with all the work he had to do Harry wasn't sure how much time he would have been able to spend outside his room even if he wasn't trying to stay un-noticed. With a sigh he closed the spellbook he was studying and looked longingly at his oft-read copy of "Flying With The Cannons" a book Ron had given him about his favorite Quidditch team. With a grin he picked it up and flopped on his bed to read it yet again.

Harry was enjoying a particularly good passage about one of the Cannons' more spectacular games when the doorbell rang downstairs. He paused to listen... the voice in the entrance hall sounded like Ms. Figg from next door. Unable to resist his curiosity, Harry quietly opened his door and crept part-way down the stairs to listen.

"...Just fine, I assure you, though I do appreciate your asking Mrs. Dursley. I came over because I thought young Dudley might appreciate the opportunity to earn a little spending money."

Harry was sure that Dudley would very much appreciate more spending money but he knew Dudley would _not_ appreciate _earning_ it. 

"I don't know if you've noticed," Ms. Figg continued as Harry fought down a laugh (Aunt Petunia not notice anything?), "But I've been very busy inside my Aunt's home and have let the lawn and garden get a bit out of hand." Harry was a bit taken aback by this as Uncle Vernon had just been blustering on this morning about what a disgrace the outside of Mrs. Figg's house was to their tidy neighborhood. Ms. Figg's timing was eerie. 

"If Dudley would like, I would be very happy to pay him to do a little gardening... whatever you think fair, in fact."

There was a brief silence During which Harry could hear Dudley- who had apparently also been listening in- sputtering in the living room. 

"Of course, we'd be happy to help you, Ms. Figg," Harry heard his Aunt say. He nearly fell off the step upon which he was standing with surprise. Aunt Petunia continued, "Of course Dudley just has too much to do this summer to find the time. We do, however, have a nephew who we would be only too glad to lend you."

Harry couldn't believe it, he never thought he'd see the day when Aunt Petunia would give him the opportunity to earn his own money. It would be handy to have a little muggle money stashed away. He didn't have much time to think about it, however, as Aunt Petunia went on, "But we wouldn't _dream_ of letting you pay him. After all, it's the least we can do."

"That's very thoughtful, but I couldn't let-" Ms. Figg started, but was interrupted by Aunt Petunia,

"Nonsense, we insist. In fact, I'll send him over directly."

Harry turned and scampered back up the stairs as he heard the muffled sound of the front door closing as he closed his own and skidded over to the desk looking for something innocent to be found doing. He needn't have bothered. Aunt Petunia simply called up the stairs for him to come down. Very tersely she informed him that he would be doing yard work next door, that he wasn't to accept any money, and that he was to go over there at once.

Harry left with mixed feelings. He was almost glad of the chance to get outdoors for a while. But, while he wasn't surprised at his Aunt's actions, he still found himself resenting them. Ms. Figg was waiting for him in the yard wearing the baseball cap with a ponytail of curly hair popping out the semicircle in the back where the cap's size was adjusted. She smiled and waved him over. When he drew near Harry could swear a pained look crossed her face, but a moment later it was gone and he thought it must have been his imagination.

"Hello, you must be Harry Potter," she said (Harry figured Aunt Petunia had told her his name whilst he was out of earshot), "My name is Ella Figg, I'm Elspeth Figg's niece. It's nice to meet you."

Harry managed a smile as he said, "Nice to meet you, too, Ms. Figg"

Figg rolled her eyes at this and said, "Please do me a favor and call me Ella, would you? Ms. Figg sounds like some batty old school mistress."

"O.K."

"Thanks. Now, listen, I offered to pay your cousin to do this and your Aunt insisted on sending you over to do it for free. That's very kind, of course," she said in a tone that made Harry think she didn't think the offer came from kindness, "but I don't think that's fair to you. If you don't mind, I'd like to pay you on the sly... just don't tell your, er,_ family_." Figg said the last word with a definite note of sarcasm. Perhaps she was even better at observation than Aunt Petunia, Harry thought. As for getting paid, that was just fine with Harry. 

"Yeah. Thanks." 

She set Harry up with a power lawnmower that worked with remarkable ease. Even in rough spots Harry didn't have to push it so much as guide it along. As he walked back and forth Harry found himself wondering if he could borrow this lawnmower to do the Dursley's yard. Of course, the Dursley's probably wouldn't allow it. That would be counterproductive to their goal of keeping Harry's spirits low.

When Harry finished mowing the grass Ella directed him to the shed where she said he'd find the hedge clippers. When Harry emerged Ella was coming out of the kitchen door with a tall glass full of ice and an amber liquid. Handing it to Harry she said, 

"Iced Tea, sweetened. Americans drink litres and litres of this stuff. Very refreshing."

Harry took a cautious sip and found she was right. It was good. When he had finished it Ella set him to work on the hedge.

"Tidy it up, but try not to make it any shorter between your house and this one." she said with a wink. A few moments later she returned with a flat of colorful flowers and a garden trowel. She waved cheerfully at the window of number four (where the curtain closed with a jerk) and then set to work on the flower beds. As Harry made his way toward the spot where she was working she smiled up at him,

"Going alright there, Harry?"

"Yeah., thanks." Harry paused here. His curiosity about this odd woman was getting the better of him. He couldn't resist asking a few questions, "Um, er, So you've been to America?"

"Quite a few times," she replied companionably, "I've been most everywhere once, I do research, you see. How about yourself, you're in school, I assume?"

"Yes, I go to- I go to boarding school."

"Ah, yes. Where?"

Here Harry paused. He knew that his Aunt and Uncle told people that he went to St. Brutus' Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal boys, but something in him rebelled against telling Ella Figg this. On the other hand he certainly couldn't tell her where he really did go to school because it would violate the wizarding secrecy laws and, frankly, what muggle would believe it? There really wasn't much of a choice so,

"St. Brutus'." Harry said, hoping she had never heard of it.

"The Centre for incurable criminal boys?" she asked incredulously. Harry said nothing focusing instead on the hedge.

"Bullshit!" she said forcibly so startling Harry he dropped the hedge clippers.

"Er, sorry," she apologized handing him the clippers, "Language. I picked that one up in America and it really is vulgar. I apologize. Listen, this hedge has had all it can take, I think. Why don't you grab a garden rake and a hoe and help me turn the earth in the vegetable garden on the opposite side of the house, eh?"

Harry was still a bit stunned by Ella Figg's reaction, but he obediently returned the clippers and joined Ella at the small patch of garden on the far side of the house. He noticed that they could not see number four from here. The high board fence on this side of the yard blocked the next house from view as well. He saw Ella looking at him.

"How about we drive your Aunt nuts by staying out of sight for a while, eh?" she said holding out her hand for the hoe. Harry grinned and nodded setting to work breaking up the soil beside her. After a time of working in silence he had to ask,

"What did you mean when you said that about St. Brutus'?"

Ella Figg laughed derisively, "You're no more incurably criminal that I'm the queen." She leaned on her shovel and looked at Harry, "And you don't go to school there. Maybe I should have just let it pass, but I couldn't."

"How, how do you know I don't?" Harry asked suspiciously

Ella stood regarding him for a moment she seemed to be taking the measure of him, somehow. When she spoke she was matter of fact, "Because You go to Hogwarts."

Harry was non-plussed. He didn't know what he had been expecting to hear, but it wasn't this. Or was it? After all her name did remind him of something to do with Hogwarts. Ella Figg, Ella Figg. Suddenly it hit him. He remembered Dumbledore's instructions to his godfather Sirius at the end of last year:

"I need you to set off at once. You are to alert Remus Lupin, Arabella Figg, Mundungus Fletcher - the old crowd..."

Harry looked closely at Ella Figg and asked, "Is Ella your full name?"

To his surprise, Ella seemed pleased as she said, "No. It's short for Arabella." Even though he suspected this Harry felt his mouth drop open before spreading into a grin.

"You're Arabella Figg, you know Dumbledore and Sirius!"

Harry didn't realize just how lonely he was to talk freely with another sorcerer until that moment. And, since she hadn't reacted negatively to his godfather's name Harry figured she must know the truth.

"Did Dumbledore send you? Have you seen Sirius? Where is he, do you know?" Harry's words came out in a rush.

Before responding Ella looked carefully around her then waved a finger at the garden and their garden tools saying "Animum!" She then turned to Harry and said, "Make a show of working." and picked up her hoe. Harry did the same but found only the merest touch of his hand to the handle caused his rake to work under its own power. Ella smiled and said,

"Muggles try very hard not to notice magic so if you just keep at least one hand on that I'm sure it will do. To answer your questions I would have to say Yes, yes, and I'm not sure." Harry shot her an confused look and her eyes twinkled as she continued, "Yes, Dumbledore sent me. You are safe as long as you're under the care of the Dursley's but he felt a little extra supervision wouldn't hurt. I hope you don't mind. It was important that your Aunt and Uncle not know who I was, but telling you was up to me. Of course, when I hadn't seen hide nor hair of you for almost a week, I figured I needed to check on you. I wanted to get you out of that blasted house so I decided to pop over and ask Dudley to do some yard work."

"And you knew they'd send me?"

"I thought it was a pretty good shot from what I've heard. If it didn't work I figured I'd work ickle Dudley hard enough to get rid of him and figure something else out." 

Harry was shaking his head, this was almost too good to be true. Then, with a sickening jolt, it suddenly occurred to him that it might be.

"Er, Ella, I hate to ask this but," Harry cleared his throat nervously, "How do I know you are who you say you are?"

To his relief a broad grin split Ella's face. "Excellent! Very good question. I suggest you ask me a question that only the real me is likely to know... perhaps something to do with Sirius Black or Remus Lupin? Maybe Dumbledore? Or you could ask me to come up with something I wouldn't know if I weren't who I say I am."

Harry thought for a moment and then said, "Both." Ella waited while he thought for a moment, the rake moving beneath his hand. Would only Ella know Remus Lupin was a werewolf? He supposed not since Lupin resigned when that became public knowledge at the school. Did he know anything about Dumbledore that others wouldn't know unless they were on their side? He wasn't sure. Then it occurred to him that there was something that would probably work,

"Tell me Sirius Black's nickname."

Figg nodded. "Back in school there were a few of us who knew him as Padfoot, but lately he's suggested we call him Snuffles." Harry felt something in him relax. She wouldn't know about Snuffles being the code for Sirius unless Sirius himself had told her. "Now, what can I _tell_ you? Let's see," she mused aloud, "No, you probably wouldn't know that... besides he'd kill me for telling you. Well there's... no that won't work. Ah! I've got it, no one would know this. You and your friend Hermione used a time turner to help Sirius escape from Hogwarts more than a year ago!"

"Dumbledore told you?"

"Sirius did."

Harry said nothing he just nodded for suddenly his head was a swirling mass of questions he wanted to ask.

"So, you knew Sirius and Remus Lupin at Hogwarts?"

Ella's face took on a wistful look and there was a touch of sadness in her voice when she answered, "Yes, I did, we were all part of the same group... the old gang..." and she trailed off.

"So you knew my parents?"

Ella nodded then said gravely, "Yes, very well. Your mother was like a sister and your father was a dear friend." She said nothing more concentrating on breaking up a stubborn clod of soil for a moment or two. Harry was filled with a sudden longing to hear everything she could tell him about his parents but he held back.

"I also knew your godfather," she said looking toward him again, "he got us all into so much trouble... Not that we didn't go willingly, mind." she finished with a small grin. 

"And you knew Remus Lupin?"

Ella looked away again for a moment but she still had that wistful grin when she looked back, "Yes, in another lifetime it seems sometimes. But I expect you've got some questions about your parents, don't you?"

Harry suddenly felt shy. The flood of longing for his Mum and Dad made him feel a tad vulnerable. He had hardly expected to be standing in a garden today talking about his dead parents. He nodded to Ella.

She surveyed the vegetable patch which was pretty will tilled by now. Pointing at the garden tools she said "Desistio!" The tools dropped. "Let me pop around to the other side of the house and get the seedlings while you put these away. You can help me plant while we talk. Besides," she said, looking at her watch, "It's about time for me to give Auntie a wave."

Ella was chuckling when she returned with a large flat of plant seedlings. She put them down and tossed Harry a pair of garden gloves. Soon they were kneeling side by side with trowels putting in the seedlings.

"So, what do you want to know about James and Lily, Harry?" Ella said.

Harry wanted to say "Everything" but decided it was better to narrow it down a bit, "What were they like when you knew them?"

"Well," Ella said thoughtfully sitting up and bouncing on her heels, "I knew them most of the time I was at school and then after, of course. Gosh, let me see... Well your parents were both very talented, of course. Your mother got better marks than your Dad, though. He had a talent for mischief and, believe me, with Sirius as a best friend he had plenty of opportunities to get into it. Still, he was very sporting, your Dad. He was never mean spirited in what he did. In fact, I think when Sirius was tempted to go too far your Dad kind of brought him back a bit. Sirius tended to let his high spirits carry him away. He often led with his heart first and then his head. Your Dad had a big heart, but he tended to give what he did more thought... most of the time. Even your Dad got carried away sometimes. He never broke the rules simply for the sake of breaking them; but if the rules were in the way of something he thought was important then he'd just break them and bear the consequences."

"You mean like with Mooney, Padfoot and Prongs?" Harry asked deliberately leaving out "wormtail."

"Exactly. Of course your mother and I weren't supposed to know what they were doing. We played along for a good long time but then Lily got worried that they would try it before they got it right and hurt themselves. So we figured the best thing to do was pitch in and help them get it right." Here Ella laughed out loud, "I'll never forget Jimmy's face when Lily and I walked up to them in the common room and handed them our notes on animagus transformation. I didn't think someone's eyes could get quite that big. I think Lily really enjoyed having one over on him. Of course, we stayed clear of the whole thing once they got it working so we didn't know they were leaving the Shrieking Shack until seventh year." Ella shook her head, "The risk they took doing that...

Now your Mum, she was as smart as a whip and very kind very thoughtful. She was practically the only one of us who ever had any sympathy for Snape. (Harry looked up at her in surprise) She said that people like that aren't born, they're made and that we shouldn't judge him until we knew what his life was like. Still, she mostly kept to her own counsel about it when it became obvious that the bad feelings between the guys and Snape weren't going to change. 

She was a good person, your Mum. She cared about people and how they were feeling. It's very hard for me to believe that... _woman_ is her sister. It doesn't make any sense to me. I don't think two sisters could possibly be more different. When I think about how she has treated you, Harry, her own sisters child-" Ella broke off her voice shaking with anger. She took a deep breath and continued in a calmer tone, "I'm sorry, it's not fair of me to act this way toward your Aunt and Uncle and speak ill of them to you."

Harry snorted, "That's o.k., you can't say anything I haven't thought dozens of times. Actually, it makes a nice change to have an adult lay off trying to be so noble and fair when talking about them."

"I think, Harry, that we're afraid of making it worse. Certainly, no matter what we think of them, they must remain your guardians."

"I just don't get that." Harry said glumly stabbing the ground with his trowel rather a bit harder than was necessary.

"Harry, when you came to your Aunt and Uncle all those years ago Dumbledore worked a powerful and ancient magic that would keep you protected while you were under their care. Staying with them keeps you safe and-" she raised her hand to stop Harry from interrupting, "those of us who loved your parents owe it to them to keep you safe until you're of age."

Harry sighed but said nothing. He watched Ella pat dirt around the base of the last seedling then rise clapping her hands together and scattering dirt from her gloves. She proceeded to stand up and wipe her dirty gloves on her denim trousers making a mess that would shock Aunt Petunia.

"Well, Harry, we've done quite a bit of work today and I reckon you look dirty enough to satisfy Aunt Petunia that I worked you hard. I can come up with an endless supply of menial tasks for you to do if you'd like to come over now and again."

"Definitely."

"Good," Ella grinned collecting Harry's garden gloves and trowel. "Just don't tell your Aunt and Uncle who I really am, o.k.?"

"Don't worry, that won't be a problem."

Ella grinned and waved him off, "Go on with you then. Oh, and do tell Aunt Petunia I said thank you ever so much!"

That night Harry lay awake for a long time thinking about his parents. Hearing about them from Ella Figg had been a mixed blessing. He thought that it would be good to hear about them, that it might satisfy a bit of that longing he felt for them. The exact opposite seemed to be true, however. He seemed to miss them more, now. As he thought of them his mind kept returning, unbidden, to the memory of their shadowy echos emerging from the tip of Voldemort's wand when Harry faced him, certain he was about to die.

Harry flipped over to look out the window with a sigh of frustration. It was going to be another long night.


	2. Chapter Two: The Return of Mad Eye

  
  


CHAPTER TWO: Mad Eye Returns

  
  


Between schoolwork and working next door, this summer was going by much more quickly than most of Harry's others had. Although Ella Figg was much more careful in what she said about Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon, her eyes danced with satisfaction every time she gave Harry something to do and then used magic to do it for him. The food situation was better this summer than last because, besides the food Harry's friends had sent, Ella Figg was also giving him plenty to eat. So, despite the very thin rations next door, Harry felt reasonably well fed.

Ella seemed happy to follow most conversations where Harry wanted them to go and waited for Harry to bring up the topic of his parents which he did only occasionally. Much though he wanted to hear everything Ella could tell him about them, Harry found his nightmares were much worse after he heard about his parents. 

For her part, it seemed Ella enjoyed telling tales of her old school days. She had a few particularly good ones about Hagrid and Harry very much enjoyed sharing the story of Norbert, the baby dragon Hagrid had hatched in Harry's first year. It usually wasn't until he had returned to the Dursley's after an afternoon next door that Harry realized how deftly Ella had turned the subject away from herself and from Voldemort. 

Meanwhile, after he had written to Hermione and Ron about his new next door neighbor, Hermione wrote back that she had asked Madam Pince to look her up in the Alumni directory. Harry could almost hear the breathless awe with which Hermione must have written back:

_"The directory notes when someone received a high number of either O.W.L.s or N.E.W.T.s. Madam Pince says Arabella Figg got ALL her O.W.L.s and almost all her N.E.W.T.s! That's very unusual, Harry. Most witches who did that well would be tapped for a job at the Ministry of Magic but the directory doesn't say. Perhaps you can ask her for some advice on taking our O.W.L.s. Please let me know what she says."_

Harry couldn't help smiling. Nothing would have impressed Hermione more than doing well on any sort of exam. Ella Figg could have_ invented_ the flying broomstick and Hermione would probably have been mildly interested. But getting all her O.W.L.s... that was a different story.

Hermione's letter got him thinking about how Ella really hadn't said much about what and where her work was. She had neatly deflected most questions about that. Had she worked for the Ministry? Did she now? 

The next day, while they watched a paint roller and brush give the living room a fresh coat of paint under their own steam, Harry brought up the subject,

"Ella, where do you work?"

"Oh, you wouldn't be interested in that, Harry. Tell me, what do you think you'd like to do after Hogwarts?"

This time Harry was not to be deterred, "I am interested. My friend Hermione looked you up in the Hogwart's Alumni Directory and she said that with all the N.E.W.T.s and O.W.L.s you got they would've asked you to work for the ministry."

Ella's eyebrows had risen in surprise when Harry mentioned Hermione looking her up in the Directory but Harry could see her thoughts were swiftly turned toward his question. She scowled for a moment then looked at Harry,

"I was asked to work in the Ministry. I worked doing research for the Department of Mysteries for a time... but of course you understand I can't really say more about that."

"But you don't anymore?"

"I still do independent work for the Department, but I had to give up my position a good while back."

Later on that evening, when he lay awake reflecting on the conversation, Harry would wonder if he should have asked his next question.

"Can I ask why - you gave it up, I mean? The Department of Mysteries always sounded kind of, well, cool."

"Well, I did enjoy it, Harry. It was getting paid to do what I wanted to do anyway, and that kind of job is hard to come by. But I had to give up my position after a few years." She said this quite matter of factly, although a bit grimly. Harry was surprised at her frankness but curious to know more.

"Really?"

Again, Harry had the sense that Ella was weighing something in her mind as she took the measure of him. She seemed to be chewing on her lip a bit, deep in thought. Finally she asked,

"People haven't told you a whole lot about Voldemort's rise and fall, have they?"

Harry was startled. What did Voldemort have to do with it?

"They always say I'm too young to understand. But I found out a lot about when- when he lost power from Sirius and Lupin. Everyone says how horrible it was... I guess they don't like talking about it." Harry paused, then said in a low voice, "I guess I can't blame them."

Harry spent a moment looking a the curlicues in the pattern of the Oriental rug on the floor. Ella said nothing for several minutes, either. When she spoke her tone was resigned.

"No, no one enjoys talking about it but if we want to stop it from happening again it is important for us to remember what we're up against." Harry looked up at her and saw that her gaze was fixed on the opposite wall as she sat with her arms crossed and brows furrowed. She bit the inside of her lip for a moment and then took a deep breath and looked Harry in the eye.

"Aunt Elspeth and her husband Uncle Theodore were my legal guardians from the time I was ten. Uncle Ted's brother was my father... the first wizard in the family. But when my parents died under mysterious circumstances I was sent to live with Aunt Ellie and Uncle Ted."

"Here?" Harry asked surprised.

"No. Aunt Elspeth, er, inherited this house when Uncle Ted died. He died two days_ after_ Voldemort murdered your parents." Ella's voice was harsh with bitterness, and Harry winced at the bluntness of the words. Her face was set and determined as she continued, "A death eater blasted the house apart looking for me. Naturally he didn't care that my Uncle was still in it. We knew Voldemort was looking for me and we had assumed it was to get me to tell him where your parents were. That's why I left the ministry and went into hiding. But when this happened_ after_- I realized there must be something else he had wanted... something his remaining supporters still felt the need to get. It wasn't until later when we found out one of the Wizards in my Department was spying for Voldemort that we figured it out."

Ella lapsed into silence as Harry tried to digest this new information. When she continued she was almost brusque,

"Dumbledore arranged for Aunt Elspeth to inherit this house as a favor to me. I suspect he figured it might come in handy some day. I guess we shouldn't be surprised he was right. We've got a lot in common, Harry, and I suspect Dumbledore thought of that, too." 

Harry had a thousand questions he wanted to ask, he wished he could think of something to say to Ella, but he felt inadequate to the task.

"Did you know your parents?" He asked, finally.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I was lucky. I still miss them even all these years later."

Later, Harry wished he hadn't asked, but the moment seemed to take on a life of its own and so he found himself speaking,

"How did they die?"

"They both had heart attacks - at the same time. No one will ever know for sure what happened, but-" here Ella stopped short and paused for a moment studying her hands, "It was reckoned that the stress of an unforgivable curse did it."

Cruciatus... Harry thought. He had seen it, and even experienced the seemingly unendurable pain of it at Voldemort's own hands. He had felt his heart would surely burst when Voldemort had done it to him so it made horrible sense. He suddenly realized he didn't want to know any more, not right now, maybe never. 

Ella was looking at him with concern, "I'm sorry, Harry, I shouldn't have told you all this. It's an awful lot to take in."

"Nae, Lass, he's got to know!" Said a gruff voice in the vicinity of the front door.

Harry started violently and Ella jumped to her feet. Standing in the doorway was Mad Eye Moody... still looking gaunt after his own ordeal the year before.

"Dammit, Alastor! Don't do that!" Ella said with real vehemence, but Harry saw that even as she did she was moving to pull him into the room. Harry felt a bit odd looking at Moody. For most of the last year a Death Eater using polyjuice potion had impersonated Moody so he could arrange to deliver Harry to Voldemort. Harry knew the real Moody had nothing to do with what happened but that was hard to remember when staring at someone who looked exactly the same as the imposter who had betrayed him. No, Harry corrected himself, the imposter had looked exactly like Moody.

Moody settled heavily into a chair easing his wooden leg into a more comfortable position before taking a sneakascope out of his pocket and placing it on the coffee table. He took in his surroundings carefully and finally spoke,

"Think the walls are done, lass."

Ella rolled her eyes at this but she was smiling as she rose to dis-enchant the paint roller and brushes. As she left to carry the paint tray into the kitchen Moody turned his eyes (the real one and the magical one which had replaced one lost catching a dark wizard) onto Harry. Harry had said absolutely nothing since Moody's appearance; a fact that Moody had obviously noted.

"Bit strange isn't it?" he asked gruffly.

"Well, yes it is. Sir." Harry added the last bit hastily. Moody only nodded. Harry, uneasy with the silence asked, "Are you feeling better sir?"

"Aye, and leave off calling me sir." Moody responded, still gruff.

Ella had returned and sat down on the edge of the couch regarding Moody with a level gaze. "So," she asked, "What's wrong?"

"I've come to collect Harry." Both Harry and Ella started a bit at this. Harry wasn't sure he was ready to be alone with Moody, real one or no, and Ella's surprise made him uneasy.

Ella's voice was level when she asked, "Why?"

"Dumbledore's orders. That lot," Moody jerked his head in the direction of number four, "Are in danger. Apparently someone thinks that they can get around Dumbledore's protection spell by doing away with them."

Harry was stunned. He had no particular fondness for the Dursley's but he certainly didn't wish them harm. He also wasn't keen on being the cause of any more deaths in the family.

Ella was speaking again, "I'm sure you'll appreciate that this comes as a bit of a surprise, Alastor. I'm afraid I need to ask you for some confirmation."

Moody was nodding appreciatively, "Would've been disappointed if ye hadn't asked, lass. For starters, lets just note the time, shall we? If I'm still myself in an hour that will make a start," he said handing her his hip flask. "Meanwhile, why don't you two give these letters a close look." With that Moody handed each of them a parchment envelope. Harry recognized Dumbledore's loose script as he opened his letter.

Dear Harry,

Certain facts have come to my attention which make it necessary to remove you from your relative's care. I have sent Alastor Moody to bring you to Hogwarts. Naturally, neither he nor I will be offended if you demand proofs from Professor Moody. I have sent a letter to your Aunt and Uncle and trust they will not object to your early departure.

- Professor Dumbledore

Harry didn't know whether to be relieved or dismayed. Certainly the Dursley's would be pleased. They had asked Harry to try and stay at school over the summer every year he had been there. Ella's letter was longer, extending to two pages. She read it with brows knitted, nodding occasionally. When she was finished she had a wry smile on her face.

"Well I can't say looking after the Dursley's well-being is the way I had hoped to spend the rest of the summer, but it makes sense."

After an hour had passed with no change in Moody, Ella questioned him quite closely while Harry listened. He didn't understand everything she asked, but she seemed satisfied when she was done. It seemed Moody would be escorting him to Hogwarts, awkward though it might be. 

Ella left the room for a time, then returned holding a chain with what looked like a bit of stag horn dangling from it. 

"I'd hoped to have more time to work on this," she sighed, "but it will do as is. Harry, I know guys aren't much for jewelry but I need you take this and wear it until you arrive at Hogwarts and see Dumbledore. You can remove it then, if you like, but you should wear it anytime you are away from Hogwarts or the Dursley's until Dumbledore tells you otherwise. You should also wear it if you are at Hogwarts and Dumbledore is not."

"What does it do?" He asked.

"The stag horn can produce a Patronus and will send an alarm to people who can help you if you wind up in trouble or feel you are in danger." She held the chain up. "Use the incantation 'subvenio' and as long as part of you is touching the horn it should work. Although it will work better if you grasp it with your wand hand."

"Subvenio. Got it." Harry said. Ella nodded at this and gave him the chain which he put on tucking it under his shirt.

"There is no telling how long it might take for help to arrive, Harry, so you must be careful." Ella said earnestly

Moody was nodding appreciatively, "Nice. Very nice, Ella."

"Well, everyone needs a hobby, eh? It's just a little something for the Department of Mysteries was interested in. Of course, I haven't given it to them yet. Probably won't. By the way, Harry, you two and Dumbledore are the only ones who know about this and it would be better to keep it that way."

Harry nodded patting his shirt to feel the small bit of staghorn under it. Moody's reaction told Harry this was a pretty good piece of enchantment. Harry wondered if this was the sort of thing Ella usually did for the Department of Mysteries. 

"How are you going, then?" Ella asked Moody.

"Blasted Knight Bus," Moody said. "'S why Harry needs an escort. I say teach the lad to apparate and apologize to the ministry after, but Dumbledore wasn't anxious to raise their ire."

"Well, I expect Harry had better nip next door and pack." Ella had risen and was holding out her hand to Harry. Harry took it and found his hand enfolded in both of hers, "Take care, Harry." she said 

"I'll meet you out front at 10 p.m., Potter." Moody growled.

  
  



	3. Chapter Three: The Knight Bus

CHAPTER THREE: The Knight Bus

  
  


The mood at number four was quite cheerful when Harry returned. Uncle Vernon was surveying a piece of parchment with obvious satisfaction. At the noise of the front door shutting he looked up and asked, "What time are they coming for you?"

"I'll miss you, too" Harry thought darkly but said only "Ten O'clock out front." 

Vernon harumphed at this and, as he mounted the stairs to his room, Harry could hear Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia complaining about the hour.

"Honestly, these people have no consideration."

"Do they really expect us to stay up with the boy until then?"

"I'm inclined not to but we've got to lock the door after him."

Harry shut the door and surveyed his room. Hedwig, who had been asleep in her cage woke at the sound of him returning.

"You up for a couple of deliveries?" he asked her. She hooted softly in what Harry assumed was assent. Harry quickly dashed off a note to Ron and one to Hermione saying he was going back to Hogwarts and would contact them from there. He labeled them and tied them both to Hedwig's leg.

"I'll see you at Hogwarts. Thanks." he said to the owl as she swooped out the open window. Harry watched her disappear in the distance before going to drag his school trunk out and beginning to pack it.

As it turned out the Dursley's decided to make an early night of it. At 9:30 Uncle Vernon declared they were all going to bed and told Harry he had exactly five minutes to get his "junk" out of the house and himself with it. Harry raced up stairs and retrieved Hedwig's cage and his Firebolt running them down and leaving them on the top of the front steps. He took one look at Uncle Vernon checking his watch and jangling his house keys and put on an extra burst of speed bolting up the stairs for his trunk. With some effort he managed to drag it down the stairs and over the threshold. Just as the trunk started to clear the threshold, Uncle Vernon slammed the front door. This gave the trunk an extra shove and knocked Harry down the stairs. As Harry stood up rubbing his bruised bottom he heard the unmistakable snaps and clicks of the bolt being thrown and the door being locked.

Harry snorted, 'Yeah, Uncle Vernon, I'm all broken up about leaving, too." he said under his breath.

He then turned and dragged his trunk to the wall at the edge of the front garden. He retrieved his Firebolt and Hedwig's cage, placing them atop it. As Harry regarded Hedwig's empty cage he regretted sending her on ahead. It would have been comforting to have her as company on the trip. He was not looking forward to the journey with Moody. In fact, his stomach did flip-flops just thinking about it. 

He sat down on the trunk heavily preparing to wait for the arrival of the Knight Bus - and Moody. Harry's head understood perfectly well that this was the real Moody but the rest of him didn't seem to... or just didn't care. Moody was the spitting image of a man who had earned Harry's admiration and trust in order to betray him... or rather the betrayer had been the spitting image of Moody. But it didn't really matter. Every cell in his body wanted to cringe away from Moody... to attack him, or defend himself, or just run as far and fast as he could. He wanted to run from the danger, the pain, and most of all the memories. 

Even thinking about Moody, let alone being in his presence, gave him a suffocating feeling, like his lungs were filling with wax and not air. He saw Cedric looking up from the ground with life-less eyes. He remembered the helplessness of being tied to the tombstone, the fear and terror at Voldemorts "resurrection;" the heart-breaking images of his parents emerging from Voldemort's wand, the terror of being chased.... Every time he had even thought of Moody this afternoon and evening the images or the relentless grip of the feelings they had inspired sprang up once again. Who needed Dementors when they had Moody? 

As if on cue, Harry heard the approach of Moody's distinctive step approaching. Step, clump, step clump. He looked down at his feet at the horribly familiar gait approached him. The steps stopped just to his right, but neither of them said anything. Finally after a few moments he heard Moody settling with a sigh to sit on the garden wall. 

"Sent ye' out a bit early, did they?" Moody growled.

"Yeah, they decided to have an early night." Harry said, still not looking up.

Moody snorted derisively, "Indeed."

Once again silence descended and Harry wondered desperately just how much time was left before 10:00 and the arrival of the Knight Bus. Moody shifted beside him.

"Would ye be wantin' tae talk about it?" Moody finally growled.

Harry gulped. _Great,_ he thought,_ now I've offended him._ At a loss for a response, Harry said nothing. 

After a few more moments of silence Moody cleared his throat roughly, "I'm a little out of touch, as they say," he growled, "Generally speaking but especially after spending a year held hostage in my own damn trunk. But I'm nae so dense that I don't understand that tae your eyes I seem tae be the man who tried to kill ye." Moody paused and a few more moments passed in silence.

"Aye," Moody finally sighed, "Tis a difficult spot and I'm sorry of it, laddie. I'll nae expect anything of ye o' the journey, except tha' ye stick by until we get tae Howarts."

Harry cleared this throat, "Er, yes sir, thank you." He thought he heard a small laugh from Moody but couldn't be sure. In any case there was a sudden blinding light and the roar of an engine as the purple Knight Bus appeared, heading straight for them. Moody merely extended his wand, however, and the Bus came to a standstill.

Stan Shunpike, the pimply conductor hopped out and brightened at the sight of Harry whom he had met the summer before Harry's third year.

"Neville! Ern! It's Neville again! You remember? Harry Potter, Ern!"

Moody raised an eyebrow at this strange speech but said nothing, taking Hedwig's cage in his hand and boarding the bus. Stan helped Harry with his trunk (after Harry had carried his Firebolt onto the bus and carefully placed it on a bed - which the Bus had in place of actual seats).

The moment Harry and Stan had pulled the trunk aboard, it seemed, the driver -Ernie Prang ground the Bus into gear and lurched forward. Harry had only just got his balance when Stan slapped him hard on the back and sent him reeling forward once again.

"Neville, How've ya been?"

"Er, just fine, thank you," Harry said, faking a yawn, "But I'm so tired, I think I'll just nip off to bed. Goodnight, Stan."

Stan looked a bit disappointed, but went to join Ernie Prang up at the front of the bus.

Harry glanced at Moody as he climbed into bed. Moody had settled himself on top of the covers and was sitting up, propped against the headboard. Harry could swear his eye (the real one, not the magical one) was twinkling with amusement.

For a long time, Harry lay awake and the Bus jerked to and fro and made magical jumps from one part of Britain to another. He had resigned himself to not sleeping until he woke with a jerk to hear Stan shouting "Hogsmeade! Hogsmeade!"

Harry sat up and rubbed his eyes looking out the window to see the gray light of dawn creeping up behind the familiar mountains of the Scottish Highlands around the Wizarding town. As soon as he and Stan unloaded his trunk (Moody held Hedwig's cage and the precious Firebolt) the Knight Bus lurched away, causing several cottages to jump out of the way. Just then a carriage without a horse moved up the street and stopped next to them. Wtihout a word Moody waved his wand and the trunk and Hedwig's cage settled themselves on the luggage rack. Moody then handed Harry the Firebolt and made his awkward way into the carriage. 

Harry looked at the Firebolt and thought about how long it would take him to fly up to the castle... but decided he'd better not, lest this violate the underage wizardry restriction.

"It's only a few minutes more," he told himself softly and climbed into the carriage behind Moody.


	4. Chapter Four: Hogwarts, again.

CHAPTER FOUR: Hogwarts

  
  


When Harry got out of the carriage at the entrance of Hogwarts Castle, he looked up at the luggage rack to see his trunk and Hedwig's cage were gone. No doubt already magically transported to his dormitory in Gryffindor Tower. He held fast to his Firebolt as Moody awkwardly climbed out behind him with a sigh. Harry looked at Moody who was rubbing his lower back irritably and looking darkly up at the castle. Moody was definitely NOT a morning person.

Harry began to climb the stone steps, noting how loud each of his and Moody's footfalls sounded in the abnormally quiet campus. Harry was used to being at Hogwarts with most of the students gone over the Christmas and Easter holidays. But the School seemed even more quiet now that it was then. _It's probably just because there aren't any other students here_, Harry thought. 

They were met in the entrance hall by Minerva McGonagall .

"Potter. I see ye made it safe and sound. Although," she said looking at Moody, "I hardly expected anything else with Alastor sent to fetch you." Moody grunted an acknowledgment and clumped off toward the Great Hall. _No doubt in search of coffee_, Harry thought.

"Mister Potter," McGonagall continued, "You will be staying in your dormitory in Gryffindor Tower. The password is," McGonagall paused and shook her head ever so slightly, "Figi Islands. You have the run of the grounds, Potter. However, you are not to leave the grounds without explicit permission. This rule is to be strictly observed, Potter, with no exceptions. Do you understand?"

Harry nodded, glumly, he had hoped to have the run of Hogsmeade as well, but he wasn't surprised they wanted to keep him within the safe confines of Hogwarts.

"Very, good, then Potter. I expect you can use the opportunity to catch up on your studies in the library. Welcome Back." With that she picked up a small case on the bottom stair and headed for the front doors.

"Professor?" Harry asked, looking after her in confusion.

"Yes Potter?"

"Are you leaving?"

"Yes Potter, you don't expect the teachers to stay here all summer do you?"

"I, er, well I hadn't really thought about it," Harry admitted.

"Well, Potter, I shall be gone for a fortnight or more, but in my absence you may call upon Moody, or the Headmaster with any serious concerns. Fortunately, for you Potter, Madam Pomfrey is also still here. I'm sure she can also help you. Oh, and Madam Pince is _always_ here. Alright, Potter?"

"Well, yes, Thank you. Oh, and enjoy your, er, vacation?"

"Thank you, Potter," McGonagall said and she was gone.

  
  


All in all, Harry had to admit that spending the summer at a deserted Hogwarts was still much better than spending it with the Dursleys, even if the only things to do were to study and practice Quidditch on his Firebolt. 

There were compensations, after all. For one thing Snape was gone off to wherever he went during the holidays. Harry had never been at Hogwarts without his least favorite professor lurking about. Unfortunately, Hagrid was gone, too... off on whatever mission it was the Dumbledore had sent him. Dumbledore _was_ about, but was clearly very busy.

On the plus side, Harry could sleep as late as he wanted. When he finally rose each day he would wander down to the deserted common room and breakfast would magically appear only moments later. This certainly something Harry though he could get used to. The mid-day meal also appeared in the common room, but the evening meal was served in the Great Hall. 

All the tables, save one, had been pushed back against the walls and Harry would join whichever staff persons appeared. Madam Pomfrey made a point of being at Supper most nights, and Harry appreciated this. Otherwise some evenings it might be only Argus Filtch, the caretaker, Madam Pince, the librarian, and himself. Dumbledore joined them on occasion as did the rest of the faculty at they trickled in toward the end of the holidays.

All in all, it was an **extremely** dull summer. In fact, it was a holiday only Hermione could love. For her part she had sent Harry an owl back congratulating him on the opportunity to use the library every day. Indeed, Harry had finished all his homework and even found a few interesting books to occupy his attention. For his part, however, Harry did not regard the Library with the same enthusiasm and affection Hermione did. 

Ron tried to cheer him up in his return owl by pointing out that, on the Hogwarts grounds, Harry could fly his Firebolt all he wanted and so was sure to be in excellent form for the Quidditch season. Ron was right about this, although even Quidditch training began to lose it's charm without other teammates around. Fortunately, Madam Hooch returned a fortnight before the end of term and saved Harry from terminal boredom by allowing him to use the Quidditch game balls. Dodging bludgers without beaters to bat them away while looking for the elusive tiny Golden Snitch really put Harry through his paces.

Still, Harry looked forward to the return of his schoolmates with unequaled anticipation. By the time September first finally rolled around he was even eager to see his arch-nemesis Draco Malfoy ... and THAT was a bad sign.


	5. Chapter Five: The Return of Everyone Els...

CHAPTER FIVE: The Return of Everyone Else

  
  


Harry stood in the darkness at the bottom of the front steps to Hogwarts Castle. It was finally September First - finally time for the rest of the students to arrive. He bounced on the balls of his feet as he eagerly listened for the approach of the carriages full of his classmates. It wasn't long before the sound of them crunching up the drive was heard, soon followed by the appearance of the carriages themselves.

The minute they stopped a mass of students flooded out. Harry looked eagerly for his friends Ron and Hermione but had just about given up on spotting them in the crowd when he felt a punch on his shoulder and turned to see Ron, with Hermione right behind.

"Harry! You survived with just you and the faculty1 I wasn't sure you would!" Ron said.

"Me, either," said Harry rolling his eyes, "It was deadly dull."

"Oh, Harry," Hermione said as she joined them, "But you were able to use the Library whenever you wanted, right?"

Both Harry and Ron sniggered at this. Hermione shot them a look which soon dissolved into a wry smile as she swept past them up the steps and into the castle. Harry noticed that she was followed rather closely by Ron. Harry followed them into the castle and then into the Great Hall which was finally full at last. 

It was clear that Hermione was torn between sitting with them at the Gryffindor table or going to sit at the prefects' table. Harry knew she probably wanted to sit with the prefects but was afraid of hurting their feelings so he said, "See you after the banquet!" and pulled Ron away. Ron shot him a look but Harry ignored it, instead looking for a spot at the Gryffindor table away from the Creevy brothers. Quickly he slid in next to Fred and George just as Colin Creevy started to wave frantically at him whilst poking his younger brother, Dennis. Harry sighed. He had hoped by now that Colin and Dennis had gotten over their ridiculous fawning attitude toward him.

  
  


Ginny, who was sitting across the table took this in and stifled a giggle. "What's so funny?" Ron asked irritably.

  
  


"Oh, nothing!" Ginny said catching Harry's eye. As soon as Ron looked away she did a quick imitation of Colin mouthing "Yoo Hoo, Harry!" Harry resisted the childish urge to stick his tongue out at her and rolled his eyes instead. Ginny gave him a knowing grin and turned her attention to Neville Longbottom who seemed to be in particularly low spirits.

  
  


Neville was a clumsy, round-faced boy whose fearful nature hindered him from making use of what talent he had. Harry had discovered the year before that Neville's parents had been driven insane by supporters of Voldemort who tortured them with the unforgivable cruciatus curse. This was why Neville had been raised by his very formidable grandmother. Dumbledore had asked Harry to keep this knowledge to himself until Neville was disposed to share it, and Harry had kept his word. As he looked at Neville glumly listening to Ginny's bright chatter he wondered if Neville's dark mood had anything to do with the return of Voldemort. He imagined the news had caused fresh pain for Neville and his family. 

  
  


Harry understood only too well what it was like to live with the consequences of having one's family destroyed by the Dark Lord. Even now, Harry knew that Voldemort and his supporters would probably be willing to kill anyone close to him to get at him and this was a terribly sobering thought. Still, Hogwart's was the one place he had always felt safe. Even the most worry-prone adult wizards who were close to Harry said over and again that as long as Harry was safe around Dumbledore.

  
  


As he waited for the first year students to file in for their sorting into the appropriate houses Harry looked around with some satisfaction. He had been looking forward to the start of term banquet for the last fortnight. Seeing the students chatter excitedly in the light of the suspended candles, seeing starlight in the enchanted ceiling, & waiting for the golden plates and goblets to be magically filled, Harry could almost forget the worries of the last several months and pretend this was a school year like any other. 

  
  


And, really, he supposed it should be. Nothing had been asked of him and there was nothing in particular he could do at the present time, except learn as much as he could so he could look after himself. Perhaps he should stop moping about and treat this l_ike_ any other school year. As he thought about this Harry's eyes wandered toward the front of the hall where staff table stood. As his eyes traveled over the familiar faces of the faculty he suddenly started. Arabella Figg was sitting there with the rest of the faculty. Moreover, she was chatting animatedly to _Professor Snape_. Harry shook his head slightly and looked again. Yes, Figg _was_ there and, yes, she was chatting cheerfully with Snape who looked as if he didn't quite know what to make of it.

  
  


Harry felt a nudge in the ribs and looked over at Ron who had also taken this in. "Who's that up there with Snape? You don't suppose it's the new Defense Against Dark Arts professor do you?"

"No," Harry replied, scanning the rest of the table, "look, Moody is up there. Anyway, I don't know why she's here but that's Arabella Figg."

Rons eyes widened a bit and he turned to look again, "That's her? Wow, from what you said I guess I- I mean she's chatting up Snape of all people... I thought you said she was alright."

Harry scowled a bit, "She _is_!" he said firmly, "I don't know what's up. Although..." Harry trailed off

"Although what?" Ron asked

"Well, she was a student here when he was. Maybe they're just catching up?" he offered uncertainly.

"If you say so." Ron said giving the staff table a disappointed look, " I dunno, tho."

"Don't know what?" Asked Ginny catching the thread of conversation.

"What the new teacher is going to teach." Harry answered, preferring to not have to explain to Ginny about Figg.

Ginny glanced at the staff table, "Hmm. Moody is still here so what's vacant?"

Just then, they were interrupted by Professor McGonagall leading in a line of nervous looking first year students.

"Mercy!" Fred exclaimed dramatically to George, "Were we ever that young?"

"Still are." Ginny said quickly. Ron snorted and the twins tried to look affronted but didn't quite manage. George put a hand to his brow and continued in the same vein as his brother, "Alas, young Ginny, no. Our youth has quickly sped and the cruel world awaits us a few scant months hence!"

  
  


This time Ginny rolled her eyes while Harry and Ron groaned. Further conversation was cut short by the tattered old Sorting Hat opening a rip in it's brim and bursting into song:

"Oh, once a year I'm brought down here

to sort out the new students.

But never fear, my path is clear

and I am not imprudent.

For..."

(You get the idea... I wouldn't dream of even attempting the sorting hat song)

  
  


One by one the first year students sat on the stool and placed the hat on their heads. Most did so timidly, one even winced. Harry and the Weasleys cheered heartily with the rest of the house when a student was sorted into Gryffindor. As a pale skinned, dark haired girl took the seat Ron leaned over toward Harry and said quietly, "Urqhart, that begins with a 'u', right?" Harry nodded. "Good, I'm starved!" Harry sat up taller and craned his neck but he couldn't see how many more students were left to be sorted from where he sat. He supposed Ron couldn't, either, but he was right, they must be almost done. Indeed, a few more students and they were to "Young" who turned out to be last.

  
  


As the Ravenclaw table finished applauding, Dumbledore rose from his seat to address the students.

"The beginning of another year," he said warmly, "And I'm sure you're eager to begin the feast so I will keep my announcements short. All students are reminded that the Forbidden Forest is off limits and the faculty kindly requests you not try our patience on this issue." Harry thought he saw Dumbledore glance toward the Slytherin table at this, but couldn't be sure. 

  
  


"The deputy headmistress and I have an unusual number of things occupying our attention this year and so a distinguished alumnae, Arabella Figg, has consented to assist us by joining the faculty as academic advisor." There was uncertain applause at this, as if the students didn't quite know what to make of this announcement or, for that matter, of Arabella Figg. "And Now," said Dumbledore ignoring the lukewarm response, "To the feast!"

  
  


At this the golden plates and goblets were filled and dozens of savory dishes filled the tables. As usual, the feast was excellent and Harry didn't mind taking a third helping from some of the dishes. When the last morsel of dessert had disappeared from the plates leaving them gleaming softly in the candlelight once again, Dumbledore rose to lead them in the Hogwart's Alma Mater Song. The faculty reluctantly rose as well, many with pained looks upon their faces. 

  
  


Dumbledore raised his wand preparing to let the ribbon of lyrics fly out of it into the air. "Any tune you like, And-" With that he launched into the Song, singing along with the ribbon of changing lyrics in a sort of baroque style. Harry and Ron did their best to sing enthusiastically to whichever random tunes came into their heads. Ginny, pink at the ears, was making her way determinedly through what was, from what Harry could make out, a pleasant enough tune. Fred and George, on the other hand, had once again chosen to sing the Alma Mater to a very slow, laborious funeral dirge. To their obvious delight, this left them singing for a good minute or so after everyone else was done. Dumbledore smiled broadly at them and conducted them through the last bit as usual.

  
  


When the Weasley twins had finished Dumbledore looked up and said "To bed!" and turned to speak with professor McGonagall. There was the usual hubub and confusion as students made their way out of the hall. Harry could see Hermione rushing over to take the first year students in hand and lead them up to Gryffindor Tower.

"Comon," Ron said, pulling Harry in the opposite direction with gleam in his eye, "She already told me the password, lets nick down to the kitchens" 

Harry followed gladly, he had been meaning to check on Dobby the house-elf who now was employed by Dumbledore in the kitchens. He was also curious to see if Winky, the former house elf of the disgraced Crouch family was still here. Last thing he had heard of poor Winky she was so distraught she couldn't function.


	6. Chapter Six: Butterbeer and Overhearing

CHAPTER SIX: Butterbeer and Eavesdropping

  
  


Once Ron had tickled the pear in the painting of the silver bowl of fruit covering the entrance to the kitchen, the painting swung forward to admit them. The vast kitchen which was thrumming with activity. Before Harry could look around for Dobby and Winky he heard a cry of "Jolly Good!" and saw Fred and George waving at them as best they could while holding arms full of food. 

"Glad to see you're upholding family tradition, Ron" said Fred 

"Right, you two bring up the rest, would you?" George said as he headed for the kitchen portrait hole.

"Hmmph." was all Ron would say. 

Harry didn't have a chance to say anything for, at that moment something catapulted toward his shins at an astonishing rate of speed. The something turned out to be Dobby who, upon impacting Harry's legs nearly knocked him over. "Oh, Harry Potter sir! You has come to see me at last, sir! Dobby knew the great Harry Potter and his noble friend Wheezy would not forget Dobby!"

Ron seemed to be choking on something that Harry assumed must be laughter. He could see why. Dobby was dressed even more outrageously than ever. On one foot he was wearing a violently violet sock with a yellow pattern that literally flashed on and off. The other sock was a luridly patterned orange sock Harry Ron and Hermione had bought Dobby the year before. He was still wearing a tea cozy as a hat and had, over the summer, pinned more of a variety badges to it. The ensemble was completed by what looked like the outfit from a Raggedy Andy doll. Bright blue shorts topped with over-large buttons at the waist, sewn as one piece with a brightly patterned plaid shirt with a large white sailor collar and blue bow. 

"Hello, Dobby, How are you?"

"Ooh, Harry Potter is to kind to worry about how Dobby is, sir!"

"Er, well, you look fine." Harry supplied

"Where is Winky?" Ron interrupted looking around.

"Winky is helping Madam Nurse now, Master Wheezy, sir!" Dobby squeaked.

"Er, Well, that's good, I suppose." Ron said casting about for something to say.

Harry saw the other house elves starting to glance darkly at the idle Dobby. Remembering the trouble he and his friends had inadvertently caused Dobby with his fellow elves the year before Harry quickly decided they'd better go.

"Well, we'd better be going now, hadn't we?." He said gathering up bottles of butterbeer from the table Fred and George had indicated. He and Ron filled their arms and headed for the portrait hole.

"See you, Dobby!" Harry called

"Sirs are too good to Dobby!" he heard him squeaking as the portrait swung shut behind him and Ron.

"Well, some things don't change, do they?" Ron said with a smile as they headed up the corridor toward the deserted entryway and the main staircase. 

"Bit much of Fred and George to just assume we'd come to help them, though," Ron said with more than a touch of irritation. 

Harry decided to change the subject,

"So Winky's working for Madam Pomfrey? I suppose that's a good thing, isn't it?"

"I guess that depends on how well she's pulled herself together. If she's like she was last year Pomfrey will be looking after _her_."

"She's got to be better or they'd just stash her in the kitchen," Harry reasoned aloud. "At least if she thinks Pomfrey is her mistress she won't tell on us if we wind up there with, er, ill-gotten injuries."

Ron grinned and began speaking in a high, squeaky voice, "No, Professor Snape, sir. Winky keeps her Mistresses secrets! Winky is no telling you how Mr. Draco got his nose broke!"

Harry sputtered with laughter at this thought but found himself suddenly choking the laughter back. He and Ron were a few yards shy of the open doors to the Great Hall and could hear raised voices coming from it.

"Don't be ridiculous, Severus, you know better!" Harry heard Arabella Figg say firmly.

"Ridiculous?" replied Snape in a voice that was a bit high for him.

Ron raised his eyebrows and looked at Harry who was frozen in his tracks. In order to get to the main staircase they would have to pass the open doors of the Great Hall. Harry doubted Snape would appreciate the possibility that Ron and he, in particular, had heard him arguing with another professor. Seeing as how his and Ron's arms were full of butterbeer it was a sure bet that Snape would take the opportunity to give them both detention and probably take a round 50 points from Gryffindor.

  
  


Ron was glancing nervously back toward the kitchen obviously thinking the same thing. Harry nodded and turned to creep back up the corridor when the words between Snape and Figg rooted him to the spot.

"Merlin's beard, Severus, this isn't still about Potter is it?"

"You have no idea what this is about!" Snape spat angrily, "You never have!"

Ron's eyes widened at this but in the next second he kicked Harry in the shin and hissed "Move!"

Harry followed Ron behind a tapestry just as Snape swept from the Great Hall. Harry watched through the gap between the fabric and the stone wall as Snape headed past the staircase toward, Harry supposed, his dungeon office.

  
  


Harry almost stepped out from behind the tapestry but Ron hissed "Wait!" Harry stood still for several moments until Arabella Figg emerged from the Great Hall looking troubled. Harry and Ron listened as her footsteps echoed away on the marble stairs of the main staircase. They waited a moment more to be sure and then emerged from behind the tapestry themselves, also heading for the stairs.

  
  


"That was close!" Ron breathed, "Harry what's gotten into you, anyway? We could have been caught!"

"Dunno," Harry responded, "That was weird, though, don't you think?"

"Yeah, but with Snape that's pretty much to be expected, isn't it?"

But Harry was shaking his head, that hadn't made sense at all. Why would Snape and Figg be arguing about him? 

"I dunno, Ron, I know he hates me, but why would he argue with Figg about it?"

"Why does he do anything, Harry? I know Dumbledore trusts him and everything but I think he's nutters! Comon' lets get this stuff upstairs before someone else comes along."

Harry followed Ron as he made his way up the stone steps. He didn't realize that his thoughts were slowing his progress until Ron turned back from several steps ahead and told him to hurry.

  
  


They traveled to the tower in silence until they reached the painting of the Fat Lady who guarded the entrance to Gryffindor Tower. 

"Well, where have you been?" She asked them irritably.

"Conjunctio!" Ron said and Fat Lady "humphed" and swung open to admit them.

They were met by a great deal of noise and movement. The common room was full of people obviously being led by Fred and George in a first night back party.

"Finally!" George shouted when he saw Ron and Harry. He and Fred rushed forward to relieve them of the butterbeer. 

Harry looked around and saw Hermione sitting in a chair near the fire with her arms crossed. It was plain from her face that she felt torn. Harry imagined she was feeling that, as a prefect, she ought to call a halt to the revelries... certainly if McGonagall came in to break up the party herself Hermione would be very distressed. On the other hand he could imagined Hermione didn't want to alienate her peers.

  
  


"Comon, Harry," Ron said pulling at his arm. It was clear Ron was headed toward Hermione and Harry went along.

"Hullo, Hermione, having fun?" Ron asked with a wicked glint in his eye. So, Hermione's dilemma hadn't escaped him, either, and he was using the opportunity to rib her.

"No, I'm not. McGonagall is going to be so mad at me, we've got class in the morning!"

"Hermione, just send the first and second years to bed and let McGonagall worry about the rest of us." Harry urged.

Hermione regarded Harry thoughtfully for a moment then, without a word, she got out of the chair and climbed up on a hassock. Harry could see several students who noticed this beginning to groan but Hermione pre-empted any grumbling by raising her voice,

"First and second years to bed!" Everyone looked up at her for a second until she added a very menacing "NOW!" that sent the younger students scrambling for the staircases. Hermione looked quite pleased at this. She looked at the room from her perch and putting on a very serious face she said, "Carry on, then. Just keep it down." With that she hopped down from the hassock with a smile. After a second of stunned silence the older students did just that.

  
  


Ron looked scandalized. "Who are you and what have you done with Hermione Granger?" he asked her.

Hermione just smiled a bit more broadly and headed toward a table with some butterbeer. Ron and Harry followed taking the bottles she offered them. 

"Really, Ron, don't act so disappointed. Thought you'd be happy we're carrying on. After all, you and Harry nicked the butterbeer!" Hermione said irritably when she noticed Ron still looked a bit strange.

"Never mind that," Harry said, motioning them both toward a deserted corner. He told Hermione about the bit of argument they had heard. Hermione looked puzzled.

"You're right, Harry, it seems odd they'd be fighting about you. But Ron's right, too. Who knows why Snape does anything. Anyway, I'm just glad Dumbledore got her to come. I mean, she'll be great on helping us to get ready for O.W.L.s, don't you think?"

"Yeah, if I survive another year of potions with Snape." Harry countered.

"You and me and everyone else, Harry." Ron said, "One thing's sure, Snapes already in a foul temper and classes haven't even started."

  
  



	7. Chapter Seven: An easy little job

Young Ms. Figg, **chapter 7: "An Easy Little Job**"

Ella Figg closed the last of the files in front of her on her desk and shook her head. For the most part, doing a little academic advising during breaks from research had sounded like an easy job. Obviously, she'd need to see all the second year students for about 15 minutes at the end of the year when they were ready to choose elective courses for third year.

Some students, she knew, would need for her to arrange a little tutoring and to make a gentle suggestion about switching electives. She planned a few O.W.L. and N.E.W.T prep sessions, as well. She had not, however, anticipated the number of students who were in need of serious academic counseling. She would have to see them all for at least a few moments... heaven help her.

The seventh years would be easy. The die was already cast for them... she just needed to see who needed a little extra help prepping for N.E.W.Ts. First years, too, wouldn't need much academic advice... aside from the occasional need for a tutor and the suggestion they relax. She could put seconds off to the end of the year and she'd need to wait until about mid-year to see the thirds so they could discuss how their particular elective choices were going. Fourth year students... about mid-year she'd need to check on how well they were becoming ready for 5th year O.W.L.s. Sixth years would need the same counsel as regarded 7th year N.E.W.Ts, but they would be easier because their O.W.L. results from fifth year would be helpful. 

She needed to see fifth and seventh year students first... judging by some of the files in front of her, the sooner the better. She'd best get a list to McGonagall so she could be added in to their schedules. She took out a quill and started by writing "Neville Longbottom"

Draco Malfoy sauntered in to Ella's office with a sneer and she leaned back in her chair and concentrated on not laughing.

"Please sit down Mr. Malfoy," she said. Draco's eyes took in the extraordinary amount of clutter and debris in her office, which doubled as her laboratory, and didn't bother hiding the curl of his lip. He sat languidly and immediately struck a bored pose.

"Well, Mr. Malfoy, how would you say your academic career is going at Hogwarts thus far?" she asked.

"As well as I need it to," he said resentfully.

"Indeed. Well, while you are certainly passing all your classes it seems that you could do better."

"Why? So I can get a good job after graduation? Ha. I'm a Malfoy, all I need to do is finish up here ... the rest you don't have to worry about."

"Mr. Malfoy, it is my job to worry about it... at least for the next fifteen minutes. The fact is, I didn't anticipate you would be terribly worried about your future career. I did, however, consider that you might actually want to pass your O.W.L.s so you could qualify to use magic after you leave Hogwarts. But if this doesn't concern you I won't waste your time or my own."

Ella sat back as she finished noting with satisfaction that Malfoy had gone a shade paler. She had certainly gotten his attention. To emphasize her point, however, she reached forward and closed Malfoy's file and began to place it in the "done" pile. Now Malfoy had coloured. If she was not very much mistaken, his fists were probably clenched. But he was also scared so...

"Er, uh, Madam Figg, What- That is, Do I-. Look, I want to pass my O.W.L.s"

"Good. Well, as I said, you are passing your subjects but could do better. But, if you're content to be mediocre, so be it. What concerns me is that your attitude toward your classes has been so casual thus far that you probably haven't retained all that much from the courses you've passed. That will certainly get you in trouble in your O.W.L.s. Fortunately, I plan a few O.W.L. prep sessions which should help. Meanwhile, Mr. Malfoy, you may want to take this partial listing of what you will be expected to know and demonstrate for O.W.L.s. You'll be able to tell from it, I imagine, where you need work. If you need a tutor, please get back to me and I'll try to set you up with one."

Draco's mouth had opened slightly and his eyes had grown wide. Slowly he reached out to take the parchment offered by Madam Figg. Ella suspected he was trying to decide if he should take her seriously, after all. Ella wasn't worried, the list would take care of that. She rose and opened the door for Draco who had started to read the list as he walked toward it. His steps slowed markedly as he approached the door, reading, but Ella waited patiently... shutting it firmly when he finally made it through.

_I'm just sorry he'll likely be the one to see the look on Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle's faces when he shows them the list. I'd have enjoyed that_, she thought to herself. She picked up the next file as she sat down and groaned. "Weasley, Fred" This was a rather unfortunate bit of scheduling. To have either of the Weasley Twins right after Malfoy... She flipped through the thick file in preparation. _I should just have them both at once, I've got the same to say to both,_ she thought. 

The Weasley Twins were both extremely bright. Unfortunately, she was not able to discern this from their academic work. She could tell from the numerous (and rather amusing) short summaries of disciplinary actions taken against the young men. _I expect Filch's files on them are nearly five times as thick,_ she thought almost feeling sorry for the caretaker. Almost.

The twins had both managed to scrape by with a scant handful of O.W.L.s in their fifth year. Ella suspected they'd like to skip N.E.W.T.s altogether. Truth be told, they weren't in any way ready for most N.E.W.T.s. She wondered, however, if it wouldn't be worth letting them have another go at O.W.L.s so they could leave Hogwarts with more Ordinary Level qualifications. The trick would be finding a way to keep **which** test they were taking from becoming general knowledge. Ella was sure the twins would recoil at the thought of taking the same exam as their little brother. 

Ron. Now there was another one who was functioning far below his abilities. Ella sighed. Maybe it would be faster to simply shut all three Weasley boys in her office with a howler from home. She looked longingly at one of her research projects set up on a table nearby. She knew what she'd rather be doing but... The clock on her office mantle chimed the half hour and she made ready to deal with Fred Weasley.

By the end of the week, Ella Figg had re-oriented her perceptions about her job. As difficult as her conferences with the less-intelligent students and the under-achievers had been they were nothing compared to the near-marathon session with the "good" students. Each Ravenclaw took nearly twice as long as had the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins combined. The Gryffindors were a mixed bag, to be sure, and most students left to be seen Friday afternoon were from that house.

Glancing at the schedule of advising appointments Ella noticed, with dismay, that Hermione Granger was next AND that the appointment had been allowed AN HOUR. _Merlin's Beard!_ she thought dropping her head into her hands, _Was I that bad when I was here?_ Personally she didn't care to think about the answer.

She had a sinking feeling that Miss Granger would be hounding her about O.W.L.s all year and she was the one student who least needed to. In fact, she could probably pass them all with full marks right now. Idly, Ella wondered if McGonagall would let her administer Hermione's tests right now so they could get it over with. _Not likely, Figg._ she thought. Perhaps if she got Miss Granger involved in tutoring, that would occupy her attention. If she pointed out that it was an excellent way to prepare herself...

By the time she got to Friday's last appointment, Ella was running late. This was in large part thanks to Hermione Granger who had gone a full twenty minutes past her appointment's scheduled end. As she opened the door for Dean Thomas to leave her office she could tell that her last student had been waiting a while.

'Mr. Potter, please come in," she said trying to hide the weariness in her voice.

Harry grinned at Dean as he passed, but Dean missed the smile, he was looking in horror at the now infamous O.W.L. list.

"So, Mr. Potter, how are things going so far this year?" she asked at they both sat.

"Oh fine, El-, er, Madam Figg." Harry replied

Ella smiled, "Very good, Mr. Potter. By now I expect you've heard a thing or two about the O.W.L.s?"

"Everyone's in a right state over that list you've been giving out," Harry admitted

"I expect so, but better to be horrified now when you can do something about it, than later when you sit for the exams and it's too late. Speaking of which, were you able to do much extra work in the library over the summer?"

"Some," Harry said shifting a bit, "It was all a bit boring, you know."

"Ummmm," Ella responded, trying to chose her words. _When you don't know what else to say, just tell the truth_ her favorite professor had always counseled. "Harry, I think that's a bit of a problem for you. I suspect your attention is easily drawn from your lessons so you don't do as well as you might."

Harry looked down at his shoes, saying nothing.

"Have you looked at the list yet, Harry?" Ella pressed, gently.

"No."

"Well, maybe you should," she said handing him his copy. 

As Harry surveyed the list his eyes widened just as Dean Thomas' had. After a moment, Ella spoke, again,

"Harry there are very few things on that list which should be beyond you... I'm not speaking of you as typical fifth year, either. You have the ability and intelligence to get quite a few O.W.L.s... but to do so you're going to have to apply yourself... AND figure out why it is so easy for your attention to wander." Harry grimaced at this.

'Oh, for heaven's sake, I'm not saying you have to give up having fun and devote yourself to study! Harry, I worked hard on my subjects but still found far, far too much time to get into trouble when I was a student."

"I suppose..." Harry said uncertainly.

"I know. Listen, Harry there will be O.W.L. prep sessions which will help. For now I suggest you take the list and cross off what you DO know and then mark what you SHOULD know by now from your classes. It won't be too hard to go back and fill in the gaps if you try."

Harry nodded, squinting at the paper.

"Also, I need to ask you about one of your elective courses. Is there a particular reason you've kept on with Divination?"

Harry coloured a bit at this and then looked up at Figg with a sheepish grin, "I guess I figured it was too late to switch off." he offered.

"Well, Harry, I daresay you're wasting your time. Now, it may or may not be too late to start in another major elective. Starting now you may wish to consider taking a different one each year to get a broader education before you leave. Certainly it would be a better use of your time. Unless, of course, you think Divination is really your field."

Harry snorted. 

"I thought so." Ella said trying not to smile. "Alright, enough of this official stuff. How've you really been, Harry?"

Harry grinned, "Well, the summer was deadly dull, awful really. I had to keep reminding myself that studying and lazing about the castle really WAS better than living with the Dursleys."

"Trust me, it was," Ella said dryly, "Like watching paint dry looking after that lot was."

"But you obviously don't need to be anymore, that's good." Harry said, "Say, does Dumbledore reckon they're okay now?

Ella shook her head, "Not really. So long as Voldemort wants you dead they're probably at risk."

"Great." Harry said flatly leaning back, dejectedly in his chair.

"The Ministry's got someone assigned to look over them for now," Ella said and suddenly started chuckling.

"What?" Harry asked sitting up.

"Well," Ella said trying very hard to be serious, "They've posted an, ah, elderly member of the ministry in the neighborhood. He's supposed to have just moved in up the street." 

Harry raised an eyebrow in confusion. This didn't seem all that amusing.

"The thing is, Harry," Ella continued, "He's supposed to take a fancy to my Aunt and start calling on her!" Ella dissolved into laughter for a moment. "Oh, Harry, you know my Aunt. Can't you just see old Perkins and her toddling about courting? Thankfully, Aunt Elspeth is in on it."

Harry grinned, wondering how many of the cats would feel the need to chaperone Mrs. Figg on her "dates." 

"There is a certain elegance to the plan, I have to admit," Ella said with a sigh, "Your Aunt Petunia should be easy to find during the duration. I expect she'll be stationed by the kitchen window. In any case, you shouldn't worry. Things are in hand and you've got enough to worry about right now." Ella was looking pointedly at the O.W.L. list.

Harry nodded and shrugged philosophically.

"Well, I expect it's time for Supper, and I've been in this office all day. I'm going on down to the Great Hall."

Harry rose at this and followed Ella Figg out of her office, dashing quickly back to grab the forgotten list just before shutting the door behind him.


	8. Eight: The Good News?

Young Ms. Figg, Chapter 8

Standard Disclaimer.

Young Ms. Figg, Chapter 8 

When Harry, Ron, and Hermione went down to the great hall for breakfast on Saturday morning, Harry noticed Ella Figg was already there. She was seated at the staff table tightly clutching a mug of coffee and looking as if she were trying very hard to follow something Professor McGonagall was saying. Harry smiled. She looked like Professor Sinistra did if she was awakened before noon. 

Harry's attention was soon caught by some sharp words from Ron, 

"Hermione, you've been on about that since yesterday! For the love of Ptolemy, can't you give it a rest?" 

"Ron," said Hermione, clearly irritated, "This is important. O.W.L.s are a big deal." 

"Yes, Hermione," said Ron with exaggerated patience, "And you're going to get full marks on all of them, so stop obsessing!" 

"Ron," Hermione retorted in a rather school mar'mish tone, "If I do well it will be because I applied myself and PREPARED-" 

Ron interrupted, exasperated, "Hermione Granger, you are the last person who needs any more preparation, you could pass those things with full marks right this minute. Frankly, I'm getting tired of hearing about it!" 

"Just because I actually want to pass my O.W.L.s-" Hermione began hotly 

"STOP IT!" 

It was Neville's voice that finally cut in and both Ron and Hermione looked toward him with surprise. 

"The two of you are just making it worse for everyone else. Hermione, stop talking about it all the time. Ron, leave her alone when she does. Honestly! Just shut it, both of you, and think about Hogsmeade." 

Both Ron and Hermione's mouths had formed little "o's" but Harry was grinning at Neville. He gave him a thumbs-up and turned his attention to his porridge. As he did, however, his eye was caught by a swift movement at the top of the hall. He looked up to see Snape moving quickly to Professor McGonagall and Ella Figg. He spoke urgently to them. Figg put her coffee cup down sharply and rose with McGonagall to follow Snape out of the Hall. 

This gave Harry a bad feeling. He turned to say something to Ron and Hermione. They must have noticed Harry looking at something for their eyes, too, had followed the Staff persons out of the hall. 

"It's probably nothing." Ron said unconvincingly, "You know, Peeves locking some Firsties in a broom cupboard or something." 

Harry nodded and said nothing, pushing his porridge away. He wasn't hungry any more. 

It was a Hogsmeade weekend and Harry found himself distracted from his worries by the many wonders of Honeydukes and Zonkos. When he, Ron and Hermione returned to their common room before lunch his worries resurfaced. Hermione, in prefect-mode, had insisted upon returning "just for lunch" to check on the first and second years. Some of those students were reading a new note on the notice board. The note stated that Madam Figg's advising appointments would be postponed until further notice. Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at each other. 

"Something's definitely wrong," Harry said darkly. 

"Yes, but what?" asked Hermione, "I mean it could literally be any number of things." 

"Yeah," Ron chimed in hopefully, "It could even just be something personal." 

"No," Harry said, "If it was, would Snape have involved McGonagall, too?" 

"Harry," Hermione said looking at him shrewdly, "You're thinking of something in particular that might be wrong, aren't you?" 

"Yes." Harry said grimly. 

"Well?!" Ron asked. 

"Maybe it's silly," Harry said, suddenly uncertain. 

"Harry!" both Ron and Hermione said together. 

"Well, it's just that what Dumbledore's been having her do so far is to watch me and then watch the Dursley's. I'm supposed to be perfectly safe here so she doesn't have to worry about me. But what about the Dursleys?" 

"But Harry," said Hermione reasonably, "You said they had a wizard from the ministry looking out for them, right?" 

"Yes, but Ella Figg said it was an old wizard... I think she may have even said Perkins was 'doddering'." 

"Perkins?" Ron asked in alarm. 

"Yes." Harry said looking at him strangely, "why?" 

"You didn't tell us his name was Perkins, Harry!" 

"So?" 

"So, Perkins is the old warlock who works with Dad at the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office. He's hopeless! If your aunt and uncle are really in danger he wouldn't be of much use to them." 

"Terrific." Harry said flatly. 

"Come on," Hermione said determinedly, "Lets go see McGonagall. If it's to do with the Dursley's she'll have to tell us, after all, they're Harry's, er, well, they are his family." Hermione turned with determination and led the way out of the portrait hole. 

McGonagall wasn't in her office. Hermione looked undecided about where to look for her next, but Harry had no such problem. 

"I'm going to see Dumbledore." he said, striding away. Ron and Hermione were left with no choice but to follow. 

Harry was striding so swiftly ahead of them that, by the time they caught up to him at the gargoyle guarding the entrance to Dumbledore's office, Harry already had it open. Neither Ron nor Hermione asked him how he had opened it. They simply walked through and followed Harry onto the magically moving spiral staircase, eyes wide. 

Before they reached the top they could hear urgent voices through the half open door. 

"Are ye certain, Albus?" they could hear McGonagall say, her Scottish burr thick with stress. 

"Of course, Minerva, or I certainly would not have acted." Answered Dumbledore's level tones. "In any case, we should hear back for certain very soon." 

"And if we don't?" asked the voice of Snape rather sharply. 

"We will deal with things as they come, Severus" 

The trio had reached the landing at the top of the stairs and Harry motioned Ron and Hermione to be quiet. 

"I am disinclined to wait, headmaster. I think I should follow immediately." 

"You, Severus?" asked McGonagall in surprise, "but you're needed here, man." 

"It doesn't matter. Besides if all goes well I will return shortly. Headmaster-" 

During this last exchange Ron had pinched his nose between two fingers and kicked Harry gesturing urgently toward his nose. Harry realized that he was about to sneeze and so he knocked, interrupting Snape. 

"Come in." Dumbledore said mildly as both Snape and McGonagall turned to see who had arrived. McGonagall looked concerned. Snape angry. Dumbledore did not change expression. Harry had to wonder if, by now, he had come to expect this from Harry. For his part, Ron sneezed. 

"Bless you, Mr. Weasley," Dumbledore offered 

"Professor Dumbledore, sir," Harry began, "I, er, we need to speak with you. We can wait downstairs and come back, though." he said looking at Snape and McGonagall. 

"No, Harry, that will not be necessary. Besides, we have something to tell you. That is, if you have not already surmised it." the Headmaster said looking shrewdly at Harry. 

It wasn't easy to speak to the Headmaster with Snape and McGonagall's eyes boring into him, but Harry took a deep breath and hoped he wasn't being foolish. 

"Professor, we noticed that Madam Figg has cancelled-" 

"Postponed" McGonagall interupted. 

"Ah, postponed her appointments and we couldn't help noticing that something seemed wrong at breakfast. And, well, I know that the last thing you had Ella Figg do was to watch out for my Aunt and Uncle and seeing as how she's gone I had to ask if..." 

Harry trailed off here. Maybe he was being silly, jumping to conclusions. 

"You were wondering if there might not be something wrong at your Aunt and Uncle's?" Dumbledore supplied. 

"Yes sir." 

McGonagall's eyebrows had gone up and Dumbledore heaved a small sigh. 

"Harry, I was going to have Professor McGonagall speak to you, anyway, and there is no harm in Miss Granger or Mr. Weasley hearing it from me now instead of you later. Harry, your Aunt and Uncle appear to have gone missing." 

Hermione gasped and Ron drew in his breath. Harry blinked. It was what he feared, suspected, but it somehow seemed unreal. 

"My Aunt and Uncle?" 

"Yes, Harry, I'm sorry to say so. The good news, however, is that your cousin Dudley is safe and sound at Smeltings Academy. I have no reason to believe he is in any danger." 

"But what about Perkins?" Harry asked. 

Dumbledore's expression grew more somber and McGonagall looked at the carpet. 

"Perkins was found dead this morning." 

Harry was thunderstruck. Perkins was dead. Perkins was watching his Aunt and Uncle and he was dead and they were missing. It was his fault. No one would want to harm the Dursley's if they were not his only living relatives. Suddenly Harry felt that the air had grown thicker somehow and it was hard to breathe. He felt a set of strong hands grasp his arms and lead him to a chair. Harry concentrated on taking a few deep breaths while listening to the conversation going on around him ... although it sounded far away... echoing. 

"Perkins? Does my Dad know?" he heard Ron's far away voice ask in alarm. 

"I imagine so, Ron." 

"They found him dead sir?" Hermione asked 

"Yes, Hermione." 

"They found his body, then? 

"Yes." 

"But did they find the Dursley's bodies." 

"No they did not." 

"It's my Fault!" Harry said, looking up sharply, "If it wasn't for me, they'd be fine. Just like... It's my fault." Harry looked down again after this outburst and felt the strong hands on his arms again. He looked up and saw, with surprise, that they belonged to Snape. 

"Mr Potter, I would think you have learned better than that during your time here. Certainly I have attempted to illustrate the principle of cause and effect." 

Harry looked at him blankly. 

"Mr. Potter, you are not responsible for the acts of others - no matter their motivations. Snape looked back at Dumbledore for a moment, "I should know." 

Harry just shook his head. 

"Harry!" Hermione said earnestly, "Professor Snape is right, it's not your fault." 

Harry did not reply to Hermione. Instead, he looked up toward Dumbledore and asked, 

"What's being done?" 

*****************

_"Ahem, excuse me,"_ said the story, _"I want the author to finish me, but she gets depressed without feedback. So, could you fill in the little box below? Thanx."_


	9. Nine: If someone has to be hit

Young Ms. Figg: Chapter Nine... "if someone has to be hit..."   
Young Ms. Figg: Chapter Nine... "if someone has to be hit..." 

"Not a lot" that is how Harry would summarize what was being done to find his Aunt and Uncle... IF they were still alive. Yes, the ministry was on the case and Ella Figg had been sent. Yes, Snape had left, too. But no one was going to talk to the people who really knew. No one was asking the persons who could tell them right now. No one was asking Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, or Nott, were they? 

Of course, Dumbledore had been the essence of logic and calm reason when he pointed out that they had no evidence of those persons' involvement and, therefore, could not legally confront them. Dumbledore also pointed out that they weren't likely to tell them anything in any case. But Harry didn't care. He wanted to DO something, anything. 

It's not that he was particularly fond of the Dursleys. Truth be told, if they were to disappear on their own he wasn't sure he would even be able to pretend to care. But much though he disliked them he was NOT going to be responsible for them being kidnapped or killed. He would not be the cause of any more deaths in the family... not if he could help it. 

"Harry! Slow down!" it was Hermione's voice behind him. 

"Harry, hold up!" Ron's voice called out as well. 

Harry stopped and spun on his heel. Hermione and Ron were hurrying down the hill from the castle in his direction. 

"Harry, where are you going?" Hermione asked anxiously when she and Ron caught up. 

"I'm going to find Malfoy." 

"What?! Harry, no, it won't help. You'll just get hurt." Hermione insisted 

"Are you nutters, Harry? He'll have Crabbe and Goyle turn you to mincemeat!" Ron said. 

Harry turned back around and began striding toward Hogsmeade once more, with Ron and Hermione following. 

"I'd like to have a little word with THEM, too." Harry said darkly. 

"You're just going to get yourself killed and it won't help." Hermione said. 

"Besides, what makes you think they know anything? When Malfoy's dad brought back the heir of Slytherin he didn't tell Malfoy. And unless Crabbe and Goyle's folks are as dumb as the two of them are..." 

"I don't care." Harry said recklessly... and they knew he meant it. 

Ron nodded as he watched Harry punch a fist into his hand. Hermione looked more confused than ever. Hermione was right, it wouldn't help to find the Dursleys. But it looked to him as if Harry needed to hit something, and if something needed to be hit, Crabbe, Goyle, and especially Malfoy deserved it. The problem was that one could get killed in the process. 

They ran into "the terrible trio" not far outside of Hogsmeade. 

"Well," Malfoy said in his drawling sneer, "If it isn't Potty and the Weasel. Taking your pets out for a walk Mudblood?" he asked Hermione. 

Crabbe and Goyle sniggered. 

Harry walked up to Malfoy, reached back, and punched him in the nose. Crabbe and Goyle immediately made for Harry but Hermione and Ron were too quick for them. 

"Locomotor Mortis!" 

"Petrificus Totalus!" 

Goyle, who only had his legs frozen by Ron was using his ape-like arms to try and move toward Harry anyway. 

"Stupefy!" Hermione said and he fell sideways, his face squishing in a mud puddle. 

Harry meanwhile just stood and waited for Malfoy to straighten up. When he did blood from his nose had splattered his pale face. 

"You're going to pay for that Potter," Mafoy said in a voice that now sounded as if he had a very bad cold. If the situation weren't so serious it would have been laughable. 

"Not before I make you pay, Malfoy. You've got a choice. Tell me what your stinking Death Eater Father and his friends did with my Aunt and Uncle or prepare to have every bone in your sad little body broken in two." 

Malfoy's eyes blazed with both anger and triumph, "Have your Auntie and Uncle gone Missing Potter?" the delight was unmistakable, "How do you know they didn't just move without a forwarding address to get rid of you?" 

"Because then, Malfoy," Harry said menacingly, "I'd be happy. And right now I'm not..." 

Suddenly Malfoy was going for his wand, but Harry was faster. 

"Relashio!" he cried and sparks shot at Malfoy's face, but he dodged and came up wand ready. 

"Petrificus Totalus!" Hermione cried and Mafoy dropped like a felled tree. 

Harry whirled, eyes blazing, "What did you do that for?" 

Both Ron and Hermione were pulling Harry away. 

"Harry, he doesn't know anything and you're just giving him information to pass on to Lucius!" Ron hissed. 

Hermione raised her voice and said over Harry's shoulder, "Yeah, Harry, it's not funny anymore. No one's going to buy that story about your Aunt and Uncle anyway." 

Harry looked at her, dumbfounded, and she hissed, "Just in case." 

"Harry," Ron said firmly, taking Harry's arm, "We're going now." 

"What about them?" Hermione hissed jerking her head in the direction of the three motionless figures. 

Harry jerked his arm out of Rons' grasp and said, "Leave them. Someone's bound to find them soon enough." With that he stalked off with Ron and Hermione in his wake. 

"What exactly did that accomplish?" Hermione hissed to Ron. 

"Not much, but I bet Harry feels a bit better." 

"Why would he? He didn't find out anything." 

"No, but Malfoy has a bloody nose and that's bound to put anyone in a brighter mood." 

"Yeah, until we all get detention," Hermione said under her breath. 

They went up to the Gryffindor common room and waited for the axe to fall. It never did. By supper time they were sure someone would have found Malfoy and his cronies but still no one came to summon them to detention. 

Meanwhile, they talked round in circles about the situation with the Dursleys. 

"What would Death Eaters even want with that lot?" Ron asked grumpily. 

"Isn't it obvious, Ron?" Hermione replied. 

Ron scowled at Hermione in answer. 

"Well, Dumbledore insists that Harry must spend his summer holiday with the Dursleys and we know how keen he is on keeping Harry safe. Harry didn't you say he'd done some spell or something?" 

Harry sighed, "Voldemort supposedly can't touch me while I'm in my relatives' care. That's why there was a problem this summer when I was there. I don't really get why they'd want the Dursleys now." 

"Well," Ron said, "Maybe they're just trying to eliminate that protection while the ministry and Dumbledore's guards are down. You know, with you here and all." 

"But that wouldn't work, either," Hermione said thoughtfully, "If they were ki-- were, um, gone while Harry was away then Dumbledore would just keep Harry here for the next holiday. They'd need to do something while Harry was with the Dursleys." 

"Well, I'm not there and they DID do something anyway," Harry noted irritably. 

"Maybe there's some spell they need a blood relative for?" Hermione offered. 

"We won't know until they find them, I suppose," said Ron. 

"IF they find them," Harry said darkly. 

"Harry, you mustn't think that way," Hermione remonstrated. 

"Look, Hermione, I don't see any reason for the Death Eaters not to kill them." 

"But they didn't find their bodies, Harry." Ron said 

"No, they didn't but the longer it takes to find them the better the chance that what they find WILL be their bodies and I'm having a tough time just sitting here cooling my heels waiting for the news." 

Just then Fred and George burst through the portrait hole and made straight for Harry, Ron, and Hermione 

"Good Show, Good Show!" Fred cried. 

"Brilliant! Wish I could have seen it!" George added. 

"Seen what?" Ron asked 

"Seen you three spelling old Malfoy and his gorillas. They're in the Entrance Hall now, fit to be tied, hopping up and down insisting you be punished-" 

"Malfoy threatening to call his Daddy-" 

"Ah, it's a thing of beauty." 

Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at one another in surprise. 

"Who's down there with them?" Harry asked. 

"Filch and McGonagall" 

"Well, why aren't they coming to punish us, then?" Hermione asked. 

George grinned, "McGonagall gave them some choice words about their 'pattern of behavior' goading and provoking other students and told them if she was going to punish students for getting into brawls she'd punish ALL the students involved." 

"And Filch?" Harry asked cautiously 

"Didn't say a word." Fred supplied, "just kept looking at the mud dripping off Goyle's face onto the floor and fidgeting." 

Fred and George were joined by others who asked to hear the story of the "brawl." Harry Ron and Hermione... mostly Ron... told it as best they could. They left out the part about the Dursleys, however. Bedtime rolled around and still no one came to at least give them a talking to as most of their housemates wandered off to bed. 

"McGonagall must feel sorry for you because of the Dursleys," Ron said, "What else would keep her from at least coming up here to yell at us?" 

"I guess so," Hermione said, her eyes following the last of the students as they climbed the dormitory staircase. 

"Well, I'm tired of sitting around here feeling sorry for myself. It's about time I did something." Harry said. 

"Something? Like what?" Hermione asked. 

"I'm going to go look for them." 

"What?" Ron said 

"Oh, Harry, no!" Hermione cried. 

"Look, there's no point in trying to stop me. It's my fault something's happened to them and I can't just sit around here waiting any longer!" 

"But Harry you'll be expelled!" Hermione insisted 

"I hate to admit this, Hermione," Harry countered, "but I don't' think so. The best way for Dumbledore to keep me out of Voldemort's hands is to keep me here." 

Ron winced at Voldemort's name. 

"But Harry," he argued, " Even if you weren't expelled they'd give you detention for a year." 

"Ron, I don't care. I really don't. In fact, I don't even care if I'm expelled. Don't you two understand? This is something I have to do."

  
  



	10. Ten: A Fine Mess

Young Ms. Figg Chapter Ten: A Fine Mess

  
Young Ms. Figg Chapter Ten: A Fine Mess 

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. There was no sign of anything in Ella's Aunt's house aside from the stray cat hair that had begun to pile up in the corners since Ella left at the end of the summer. There was no sign of magic... dark or otherwise. There were no clues as to what had happened to Perkins... and this worried Ella. She was actually on her hands and knees examining the part of the carpet upon which Perkins body had lain and all she appeared to be getting out of it was a nose full of dust. 

Behind there was a very faint popping noise. Without thought Ella rolled over into a crouching position, her wand out and ready. 

"Dammit, Severus! You gave me such a start! You shouldn't sneak up on people. I was milliseconds away from cursing you into the last century!" 

Severus Snape slowly folded his arms, his face unreadable. 

"I would hardly call apparating 'sneaking' up on you, Ella." 

Ella took a deep breath and rose to her feet, "No, I don't suppose it would be if I was expecting you. As it is, I'm investigating a murder and not expecting company." 

"Point Taken," Snape conceded. 

"So why are you here?" Ella asked, looking worried, "Has something else-" 

Snape held up his hand to interrupt Ella, "No, no, I'm here to help." 

"Well, there doesn't seem to be much to help with, Severus, I've been over the house twice and I can't find a thing. I was just taking a last look before heading next door." 

"Indeed?" 

"Feel free to double check it if you want, Severus." 

"That, I'm certain, would be a waste of time." 

Ella's eyebrow rose at this, but she said nothing. 

"You were heading next door to the Dursley's?" Snape asked. 

"Yes. I double checked to see they weren't there then started over here." 

"Well, then, shall we?" 

Mrs. Next Door, on the other side of the Dursley's house, had been quite interested to watch all the hubbub one house over. An odd assortment of cars and an even odder assortment of people had gone in and out. Most of the persons had looked quite tense. After a short time everyone cleared out and Elspeth Figg was escorted to a car and driven away. 

She shook her head. Ever since Mrs. Figg won that sweepstakes, things had grown odder and odder. First there was that "flower child" person, her niece, who had stayed all summer. Then Mrs. Figg finally returned, the toast of the bridge club, mind. Soon after, that odd gentleman rented the house across the way and actually started courting her, Old Mrs. Figg! Now this. 

Mrs. Next Door stirred the cup of tea she was holding a bit more vigorously than was strictly necessary as she gazed out the window that afforded her the best view of Numbers 2 and 4 Privet drive. As she watched she noticed two figures in black robes making their way to the front door of Number Four. She could tell the pair was a man and a woman, although she couldn't seem to get a good look at the woman. The man, however, had looked around as the woman with him tried the door. He had pale features with dark hair and eyes ...quite sinister in her opinion. Mrs. Next Door stepped a little closer to the window as the woman stopped jiggling the door and took something out of her black robes. 

A moment later the pair entered the house, closing the door behind them. Mrs. Next Door put down her cup of tea and picked up the telephone. 

As Ella Figg shut the door behind her she frowned. "Is that a good sign or a bad sign?" she wondered aloud. 

"Is what?" 

"The doors being locked... the side door was locked, too - when I arrived earlier." 

"Ella, I truly couldn't say." 

"That's alright, I was just thinking out loud. Severus, I suggest that you start upstairs and I will begin down here." 

Snape nodded and walked off purposefully looking for the staircase. 

Snape mounted the stairs and began to search the rooms upstairs. As he went from room to room, he was shaking his head without realizing it and grunting with disapproval. He had begun in what must be the guest bedroom: a nauseating explosion of flowery prints and lace. It was immaculate but completely devoid of information. The master bedroom was next. It's decor was similar to the guest bedroom but a bit more restrained. There was a lot less lace and great deal more photography on display. Photo after photo of a round, piggy, blond boy Snape could only assume was Potter's cousin Dudley. Snape picked up a photo of the entire family: Dudley and a taller version of Dudley with a mustache... that would be the uncle: Vernon. Next to the two round specimens stood a stiff, tight-faced woman: Petunia Evans Dursley. Snape held the photograph closer to his face looking for some resemblance to her sister Lily. He supposed there were certain physical characteristics in common, but the woman in the photo couldn't be more different from the young woman Snape had known at Hogwarts. With a sigh, Snape put the photo in his pocket... it might come in handy. 

There was no sign of disturbance in the master bedroom. There was also no sign of trouble in the next bedroom. This one had to belong to the cousin, Dudley. It was packed floor to ceiling with a dizzying array of muggle toys and devices. The walls were adorned with muggle posters of a football (soccer) team and several scantily clad women. It was a good thing they were standing still, Severus thought, or they'd have trouble keeping what little they had on. 

The bathroom yielded no information, either. There was only one more bedroom, the one that must belong to Potter. Snape was surprised when he opened the door. This room was nothing like the others. The floor was bare, the furniture spartan, and the decoration non-existent. The only thing in the room that couldn't be described as empty was a set of bookshelves crammed with broken muggle devices and toys like the ones in the boy Dudley's room. Somehow Snape doubted these were Harry's. 

As he started down the stairs, he noticed that Ella had the door open to a cupboard beneath them. As she heard his tread on the stair, she leaned back and said, "I can't believe it." 

"What?" 

"This. Come look at it." 

Confused, Snape moved down the stairs and around to the doorway of the cupboard. Ella had found a light and turned it on. There wasn't much in it... just a camp bed and a colony of spiders. Snape put his wand in his belt as he ducked in to get a closer look... he didn't know what Ella thought she saw... He crouched facing the back wall and ran his fingers along the baseboard, coming up with nothing but a few stray spiders. 

"I don't understand. What did you see, Ella?" he asked. When she did not answer he turned around to see a muggle law enforcement officer with one arm across Ella's throat and the other holding her hands behind her back. 

"Hold it right there!" another officer said, lunging into the closet to grab a stunned Snape by the arms. As he jerked Snape to his feet and began to drag him out of the closet, Snape tried to lay hands on his wand and found himself shoved roughly into a wall, his arms twisted painfully behind him and placed in some sort of lightweight but very sturdy irons. The officer was then checking his pockets and patting him down. 

"Hey, he's got one, too," the officer said pulling Snape's wand from his waistband and holding it up, "It's just like the one she was going for." 

His partner snorted, "Well they wasn't going to shoot us, that's for sure. Maybe they were going to put us to sleep by conducting a symphony or summat." 

Snape was spun around and shoved back into the wall. He could then see that Ella was being held against the wall with her hands behind her back, no doubt also in irons. She was coughing and clearing her throat. He must have been putting pressure on her throat with his arm, that's why she didn't call out, Snape thought angrily. 

The officer who had attacked him was holding up the silver picture frame with the photo of the Dursleys in it. 

"Tut, tut, didn't manage to knick much did ye? Alright, then, you are both under arrest for breaking and entering as well as for theft. I must warn you that anything you might say will be taken down and may be given in evidence against you.." Snape's mind was reeling. Arrested. Arrested by the muggle police. 

It began to sink in as they were both taken and roughly pushed into the back seat of a muggle police car. Ella was still coughing, a murderous look spreading on her face. He watched the officers get into the front seat, the one who had choked Ella holding the silver photo frame ... **and their wands**! 

If they couldn't get their hands on their wands they were in trouble indeed... 

Snape and Ella did not speak to each other during the ride to the police station, or rather the "Law Enforcement Centre" a building that seemed to serve as police station, jail, and courthouse. 

They were hustled inside, past a large counter and into a room full of desks. At the far end of the room they could see a large cage divided into three sections, each with its own door._ Ah, muggle jail, how quaint_, thought Snape irritably. 

Each officer sat their respective prisoner down next to a desk and pulled out a clipboard and pen. The officer with Ella Figg barked at her, "Name?" 

Ella cleared her throat and began to speak her name but was interrupted by a fit of coughing. With a disgruntled look her officer got up and headed for the water cooler. 

"Name?" Snape's officer asked. 

Severus considered this for a moment. Right now they were in the custody of muggle police with no means of contacting anyone in the wizarding community. On the faint chance that it might help, it was probably best to give his real name. After all, once he was back in the magical community it wouldn't matter if he had a muggle police record. He fixed his officer with a level stare. 

"Severus Snape." 

The officer raised a brow and wrote it down. 

Snape was able to answer the next question providing his birthdate -but that was where his useful information ended. There was no phone, no address, no other kind of identifying information he could give. This did not make the officer happy. Ella's officer had found himself in similar straights. Finally the officers decided to take fingerprints and mug shots and put them in their cells. 

When the two officers agreed to this, Ella gave them a sour look. For his part, Snape was mystified, but not for long. He watched in disbelief as the officer took off the irons and then put each of his fingers individually on a black square of ink and then pressed them onto a piece of thick muggle paper. Then, they handed him a card with his name and a number on it, put him against the wall and flashed an incredibly blinding light at him. By the time the spots cleared from his eyes, Snape was being shoved through the door of a cell and listening to the sound of the door clanging shut behind him. 

Moments later Ella was pushed into the cell beside him. She was still wiping at her inky fingers with the wet paper towel they had given her. "Disgusting," she muttered in a slightly hoarse voice. 

"Indeed." Snape replied. 

Figg looked up to regard him through the bars and he could see a red spot on her neck beginning to change colour to a faint purplish blue. 

"Are you quite alright?" Snape asked pointing to her neck. 

She reached up and rubbed it absentmindedly, "Oh, no permanent damage done. It's more my pride that's been damaged. Dammit, I can't believe I let them sneak up on us!" 

Snape said nothing. He was thinking much the same thing but was wise enough to know that now was not the time to point that out. 

"What happens next? Do you know?" he asked instead. 

"Well, I'm no expert on muggle law enforcement but I'm pretty sure we'll have to go before some judge or magistrate to be charged. The problem is, they can't identify us so, no matter how that comes out, we're stuck until we can figure a way out of this mess." 

She kicked the leg of the iron cot in her cell, winced in pain, then kicked it again. 

"I hardly think that will help," Snape growled. 

"Oh, how do you know? I wouldn't exactly call you the expert on expressing or managing your emotions, Severus." 

"I beg your pardon?" Snape said, a dangerous edge creeping into his voice. 

"Dammit! I can't believe we're in this mess!" she said ignoring Snape's comment. 

"Well, neither can I!" Snape shot back, "How exactly does someone with your training and experience fail to hear a couple of muggles sneaking up on her?" 

Figg colored, anger flashing in her eyes, "I don't know, Severus," she snapped, "How did you fail to see them coming down the stairs?" 

The officers heard the prisoners begin to bicker and shook their heads. _Typical. It figured a couple of weirdos like them would turn on each other_. 

"Ed," the one said to the other, "why don't you start trying to figure out who those two nutters are while I call the homeowners, eh?" 

  
  



	11. Eleven: Wherein Things Get More Complica...

Young Ms.Figg Chapter 11: Wherein things get more complicated

  


Young Ms.Figg Chapter 11: Wherein things get more complicated 

Harry did not feel like going to bed on Saturday night and, as they were determined to keep an eye on him, Ron and Hermione found themselves sitting with him before the common room fire far past midnight and into the next morning. It was no secret that Harry disliked his guardians. Harry was not worried about the Dursleys on a personal level. If they had decided to disappear of their own accord he would be delighted. No, it was the fact they had been MADE to disappear because of him. If they came to harm - and Harry was more and more convinced with each passing hour that they would - it would be on his account. Much though he did dislike them he couldn't find it in himself to wish them harm. It was much worse, therefore, to think of the probability that they might be killed just to make it easier for someone to get at him. 

His parents had died for the same reason. Come to that, so had Cedric Diggory. It was hard enough to bear the thought that his life had cost three others their own. Harry wasn't sure his life was worth that. It was a hard burden for a boy of 15 to bear. For, no matter what anyone else said, Harry did feel responsible. He wished he had the chance to stop the death of his parents and of Cedric. He might yet have the chance to stop the Dursleys from dying and he meant to take it. 

Harry looked at the mantle clock about the common room fire. Two in the morning. His glance traveled over to Ron and Hermione both heavy-lidded and struggling to stay awake. 

"Go to bed," he said 

Ron and Hermione shook their heads and sat up. 

"Are you going?" Ron asked, yawning. 

"No." 

"Well then, we'll stay with you," Hermione said in the most reasonable tone she could manage at that hour. 

"Afraid I'll slip away while you sleep?" 

"Something like that, yes." 

Harry sighed. They were determined. Truth be told, he wouldn't mind some company. 

"Listen," he finally said, "It would be better if it were just me. Why should all three of us get in trouble?" 

"Because," Ron said stubbornly, "we are not letting you go alone. If we can't stop you, we're going with you." 

Harry shook his head. "Fine. But I'm not planning to leave until four a.m. Why don't you at least get a couple of hours sleep?" 

Hermione regarded at him with a suspicious, appraising look. 

"Harry," she said slowly, "Do you swear?" 

"Yes, of course," he said impatiently. 

"Good," she continued, "Because if we were to wake up at four and find you'd already gone we'd naturally be concerned and have to go straight to McGonagall." 

"True," Ron agreed, "If no one knows you've gone it will be supper tomorrow or even class on Monday before they realize you've gone. But if they were to know just a couple of hours after you left, well..." 

"You wouldn't get much done before they found you and hauled you back." Hermione supplied, making sure their point was crystal clear. 

"I already swore," Harry said darkly. 

"Well, then," Hermione said sensibly, "We will meet you back down here at four a.m. sharp." 

Hermione was tempted to kip out across the portrait hole just to make sure Harry didn't leave without them. She decided, however, that it was better to trust Harry. 

When Hermione and Ron stumbled back down into the common room at four sleepily clutching their wands Hermione was glad she'd trusted Harry. He stood waiting for them, looking tired and irritable himself. Ron yawned and tossed Harry his wand. Much later he would wish he had thought to grab Harry's invisibility cloak. As it was, none of them was thinking very clearly. 

The trio crept silently down the corridor heading for the statue of the hump-backed witch which hid the secret passage from the castle to Honeydukes Sweet Shop in Hogsmead. The passage in question would bring them to the basement of the shop. 

Harry had decided upon four a.m. as the time they were least likely to get caught sneaking out of the castle. He realized, however, that they would have to wait quite some time in the basement of Honeydukes before the shop opened. Once the shop did open it would soon fill with students. They could then slip out amongst the students unnoticed. 

"But why then," Ron asked irritably when Harry explained this during the long journey in the underground tunnel leading to Honeydukes, "Didn't we just go down to Hogsmeade after breakfast with everyone else?" 

"Because," Harry said, "If we went with everyone else we would have been checked off the grounds by Filch." 

"So?" 

"So," Hermione said, "If we were checked out but didn't check back in they would know right at suppertime we'd gone off." 

"Ah." Ron said, flatly, sounding as if he'd have taken the risk. 

"This way," Harry explained, "There's a very good chance no one will think to see if we're at supper and they may not realize we're gone until class on Monday. That's at least eight extra hours." 

Ron's only response was a muffled yawn as they continued the long walk in the dank, cramped corridor. 

Finally, after what seemed like forever, they started walking uphill and soon faced the rough-hewn stone steps leading up the trap-door in Honeydukes' cellar. Once they were in the cellar Hermione aimed the beam of light from her wand at her watch. 

"We've got at least three hours before they open," she whispered, "lets find a place to hide and take a nap." 

"Are you kidding? What if we don't wake up?" Harry hissed. 

"Muggle watch," Hermione said simply pushing some tiny buttons, "I've set the alarm for two and a half hours from now and I placed a charm on it ages ago to make sure it doesn't fail. It's handy for taking catnaps during all-nighters." 

Harry didn't have to see Ron to know he was rolling his eyes. 

"Fine," he whispered, "Lets hide behind the crates in the corner, then." 

None of them managed to sleep more than twenty minutes at a stretch but, eventually, the time passed and, about half an hour after Hermione's alarm went off, they heard muffled footsteps above. They waited tensely the half hour or so between the time they heard the owners enter the shop and the time it was opened. Fortunately no one came downstairs during that time and the sound of two people walking grew to several more, and several more again. 

They had decided to sneak up one at a time in five minute intervals. Harry first. He crept up the steps, and peeked through a crack in the door. When the all was clear his slipped through the door and quickly made his way to the customer's side of the counter. It was actually ten minutes before Hermione joined him, followed soon after by Ron. 

Harry had been right. No one gave them a second glance, the other students naturally assuming they'd walked down with everyone else. The three friends quickly slipped out of the shop and headed for the Hogsmeade train station, stopping only briefly to buy some Floo Powder on the way. 

Once in the station they went straight to the large hearth that served as a Floo Port. Each, in turn, threw in their powder, stepped into the now green flames, and shouted "Diagon Alley!" Harry was first out, finding himself in The Leakey Cauldron. He quickly ducked into a nearby booth and motioned for Hermione and Ron to do the same as soon as they came out. Ducking his head behind the menu he whispered, 

"We've got to get out of here before Tom, the landlord, notices us!" 

Tom was busy at the bar with a large Hag. It was now or never. With a nod of agreement, all three slid quietly out of the booth and sidled toward the back door. Suddenly Ron hissed "Run!" and they were pelting out, Harry scrambling to find the right brick to tap and finding himself being pushed through the arch when it appeared. 

"This way, quick!" Ron said, pulling Hermione toward a corner. 

"Did he see us?" Harry panted when they were around the corner. 

"Dunno. Hope not," Ron said between deep breaths, "It was the Hag, started to look at us and say something. Didn't think it wise to stick around." 

Hermione had her hand on her stomach as she took a few deep, steadying breaths. 

"We need to get to Gringotts as quickly as possible before things pick up around here," she said anxiously, "the fewer people around the fewer there are to notice that three teenagers are wandering around Diagon Alley when they should be at Hogwarts." 

"Come on, then," Harry said and he lead the way. 

Getting a Gringotts goblin to take them to Harry's underground vault so he could retrieve some wizard money was no real problem. It was when they asked that it be converted to muggle money that they thought they were done for. The Goblin at the counter suddenly stopped and gave them a very suspicious, appraising look. All three held their breath until, at last, the Goblin shrugged and began to count Harry's gold. 

When they finally emerged onto the Muggle street outside the Leakey Cauldron Harry realized he'd never been so relieved to be back in the Muggle world before. Ron was both fascinated and mystified as an impatient Harry and Hermione dragged him to the nearest underground station. 

"Tell me, again, why we don't just take the Knight Bus." Ron said grumpily as they made the transfer to get the correct line to Paddington Station. 

Hermione rolled her eyes and said, sourly, "Because we'd stand out a bit on it, wouldn't we? Besides, once they figure we're gone it would take them about three minutes to catch up to us if we're on the Knight Bus." 

"Fine." Ron grumbled. But he fell silent as they entered Paddington station. His attention was immediately arrested by the giant "Paddington" teddy bear in the midst of the main part of the station. Hermione left Harry with Ron and went to purchase tickets to Surrey. When Hermione returned with the tickets Harry had to give Ron a little shove to get him moving toward their platform. It had already been a long day and it was beginning to feel surreal. 

Minerva McGonagall walked into the great hall for lunch and turned her eyes toward the Gryffindor table. Like the rest of the hall, the table was more than two thirds empty as most students in the third year and beyond were in Hogsmeade. As her eyes scanned the table she saw no signs of Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, or Ron Weasley. 

"Good." she said, not realizing she had spoken aloud. 

"Pardon?" Argus Filch said, turning toward her. 

"Argus?" 

"Yes, Minerva. You said 'good' and I said 'pardon?'" 

"Heaven's, Argus, I had not realized I was speaking aloud... I must be more tired from things than I thought!" 

Filch nodded sagely. "Well, then, anything good is welcome news. Isn't it?" 

"Indeed," sighed McGonagall taking a seat next to Filch at the staff table, "Although this is a little enough thing." 

"Really?" 

"Yes. I was simply pleased to note that Potter, Weasley, and Granger are not here which means, I trust, that they are in Hogsmeade. Perhaps a day there will take their minds off things." 

Filch raised both brows. "They are not in Hogsmeade, Minerva. I checked the students off the grounds and they were not among them. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes, I noted it particularly in light of the recent events concerning Potter's family." 

McGonagall's brows knitted. "They're nae in Hogsmeade and they're nae here. This does not bode well." 

"Ah, well, Minerva, no use jumping to conclusions. The little troublem- Ah, the students may be studying in the library and may have lost track of time." 

"I just came from there." 

"Well, then, they're likely in their common room. I could understand if Potter wasn't hungry." 

"That does not bode well, either. I think I should go check on them." McGonagall said rising sharply. Mrs. Norris, Filch's cat, chose that moment to come bounding in to twine herself about Filch's ankles. 

"Ah, my sweet, excellent timing... go and look for Potter, Weasley, and Granger," Filch said sending her off. "I'll let you know what she finds, Minerva," he said, but McGonagall was already sweeping out of the hall heading for Gryffindor Tower. 

Exactly one half hour later McGonagall and Filch were in Dumbledore's office explaining that the three students were not in the castle (a fact confirmed by Mrs. Norris) and were not in Hogsmeade. Dumbledore sighed heavily, shaking his head in consternation. 

"I should have anticipated this," he said, self-reproach clear in his voice. 

Any assurances from either Filch or McGonagall were cut off my the entrance of Alastor Moody. 

"What is it, Albus?" he asked grimly 

"Potter, Weasley, and Granger are all unaccounted for. It seems most likely they have run off to try and locate Potter's Aunt and Uncle." 

"Aye," Moody said, "And what of them? Have we word from Figg or Snape?" 

"Nothing since Severus joined Ella yesterday." 

"Well, then, I'm off to Hogsmeade to apparate," Moody said, "Send a school owl or two on to meet me there." 

  
  


Meanwhile, like his nephew, Vernon Dursley felt he was having a very surreal day and he was not happy about it in the slightest... 

  
  


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_Ok, you know the drill,_ the story said, _my gets depressed without reviews...._


	12. Twelve: Wherein Things become clear to t...

Young Ms. Figg Chapter 12: wherein all becomes clear to the reader but the characters remain in the dark.

  


Young Ms. Figg Chapter 12: wherein all becomes clear to the reader but the characters remain in the dark. 

In Vernon Dursley's opinion this was all just a little too much, and his wife, Petunia, agreed. It had been many years since Vernon had been this put out and he was angry. His hands were white where he gripped the steering wheel of his car as he drove it back toward Little Whinging from the Airport. 

They were barely two days into their holiday in Majorca with Yvonne when the local police had phoned to say their home had been broken into and burgled. Never mind that the thieves were caught and all they had taken, a silver picture frame, had been recovered. Never mind that the police assured them the house was secure and they were not needed in order for charges to be brought. Never mind this, Vernon would not stand for it, he would not. He was going to see his home was secure himself. 

As for Petunia, she was greatly distressed that this most scandalous neighborhood event had happened to them... and they had not even been there. She was even more eager than Vernon to get home, ascertain the particulars, and start quashing the gossip. After all, it was one thing to do the gossiping. It was quite another to be the one gossiped about. 

Sure enough, Mrs. Next Door could be seen pulling back the curtain as they pulled into the front drive of Number Four. Petunia's bony fingers dug into her equally bony hands as she flashed Mrs. Next Door a most empty smile. 

For his part, Vernon hustled Petunia and their bags into the house and immediately rang up the police to ask why officers had not been waiting to meet them upon their arrival. It was while Vernon was angrily demanding that some officers be sent around at once that Petunia heard a slight "pop" behind her that reminded her of the sound a champagne cork makes when released from the bottle. 

She turned to see from where the sound came and was met with the sight of a glowering Alastor Moody. The last thing she heard before fainting was Vernon screaming into the phone, oblivious. 

Alastor Moody NOT glowering was a sight to quail the heart of many a witch or wizard, let alone a muggle. He was so scarred his face resembled a carved and wizened tree trunk. The fact that a portion of his nose was missing and that a missing eye was now replaced by a bulging magical one only made his visage worse. Long dark hair, considerable height, and a wooden leg combined with this to made even a smiling Moody an intimidating sight. 

It took Moody some time to figure out how to revive the Dursleys (for Vernon had also fainted when he came out to see to Petunia and spotted Moody.) The reviving charm did not work, as they had not lost consciousness by magic. Finally, he clumped into the kitchen, found a saucepan, filled it with water, and returned to dump it on the Dursleys. 

They came up sputtering, saw Moody, and went pale again. 

"Don't even think about fainting again, either one o' ye," Moody growled, "Or I'll turn ye both into Newts." 

They both went a shade paler, but neither of them fainted. They just sat on the floor, wide-eyed, staring up at Moody with open mouths. 

"Right, then," Moody continued eyes flashing, "Vernon and Petunia Dursley, if I'm not mistaken, no?" 

Petunia did not speak she simply nodded. Vernon, however, was beginning to regain his composure. As he did a purplish color began to creep up his neck toward his face. 

"I demand to know who YOU are and why you have invaded my home!" he bellowed. 

Moody shifted his wand from right to left hand and back again before speaking. Vernon began to pale once again. 

"You could do with some better manners, Dursley," he said in a low growl, "What you demand is of little consequence to me, you ingrate." 

Vernon began to sputter, but restrained himself when Moody turned the wand so it aimed at him. 

"The Ministry of Magic and Albus Dumbledore were under the impression your miserable hides had gone missing. Although you seem hardly deserving of it, they were concerned. A witch and wizard were sent to search for you. Your nephew was also worried and ran away from school with two of his friends, also to look for you." 

Vernon began to grow purple again at the news that a witch and wizard had been dispatched to look for them. However, a look from Moody stopped him before he was imprudent enough to express his opinion on the subject. 

"What I demand to know, Dursley, is where the witch and wizard sent to look after you are and where your nephew and his friends are." 

Vernon exploded, "I haven't seen any of your foul type here nor my freak nephew either and they would be no more welcome here than you! Your kind have caused my family enough trouble and I warn you-" 

About what Vernon intended to make his warning will never be known. With a lazy wave of his wand Moody deprived him of his voice. With another flick of his wand he caused a suitcase to sail through the air and land with a thud between Vernon and Petunia. 

"Dursley! Am I correct that you were not missing but, in fact, on some sort of Holiday?" 

Vernon was still mouthing the words that would not come, so Moody again waved his wand to lock his jaw. Moody's growl had a distinct and very dangerous edge when he continued. 

"Nod yes or no, Dursley. Were you on vacation?" Vernon nodded. 

"Not missing at any time?" Vernon's head shook. 

"Have you seen any sign of the witch and wizard who were sent to look for you?" Vernon's head shook again. 

"Have you seen any sign of your nephew or his friends," Vernon glared at Moody but shook his head all the same. 

Moody turned and clumped into the front room where a tawny owl fluttered outside the window waiting to be let in. Moody was impressed, the owl had made remarkable time. He waved his wand and a pane of window glass disappeared, letting the owl come in. Moody pulled a bit of parchment from a pocket and took a pencil from the phone table. His note to the Ministry of Magic was terse. _"Vernon and Petunia Dursley at home, not in danger. No sign of faculty sent to search for them, nor of H. Potter, R. Weasley, or H. Granger. Returning to Hogwarts at once. -A. Moody" _He sent the owl back through the window with the note. Deliberately leaving the widow without its pane he waved his wand and was gone with the same champagne cork pop that had announced his arrival. 

  
  


One hour later, Petuna was scrubbing the hallway like a woman possessed. She was, therefore, close to the front door when a very tired Harry, Ron, and Hermione knocked and came through it... 

********

Author's Note: Did I mention this story was a comedy? (tee hee hee) Must have slipped my mind. I trust you'll forgive me in time. Care to write a review anyhow? Pretty Please????


	13. pulling hens teeth

Young Ms. Figg, Chapter 13: Pulling Hen's Teeth 

* * *

Young Ms. Figg, Chapter 13: Pulling Hen's Teeth 

Harry was thunderstruck. He literally stopped in his tracks and gaped, wide-eyed, at his Aunt Petunia. For her part, Petunia had also frozen, scrub brush raised, as Harry and his friends entered the front hall. She recovered more quickly than Harry and his friends, however. She promptly slammed the brush into the bucket with a sloshy splash yelling, "VERNON!"

Ron and Hermione had also frozen in surprise, but Petunia's yell snapped them out of it. Even as Vernon's steps thundered down the stairs, they were shaking Harry. He had begun to mouth silent words that looked something like "here."

"Harry! Snap out of it," Ron said urgently as Vernon came round the corner into the hall.

There was terrible moment of silence followed by a roar that must have contained all the anger and frustration Vernon had been feeling for the last twelve to twenty-four hours of his life.

"YOU!"

Hermione winced at both the venom and the volume (which surely would have knocked dust off the picture frames had there been any to knock off.) 

"You." Harry replied, much more faintly, "You're here, you're both here."

"YES, YOU RUDDY BRAT, WE'RE HERE!" he continued to thunder, "THIS IS OUR HOME! YOU, BOY, AND YOUR FREAK FRIENDS, HOWEVER, ARE NOT WELCOME!"

Even Petunia winced a bit at Vernon's volume and his increasingly purple colour.

"Vernon," she hissed, "calm yourself! The boy's not worth it."

At this, Vernon directed a particularly poisonous look at Harry, Ron, and Hermione, but proceeded to take a deep breath. It was hard to tell if his purplish colouring had gone any lighter, but it had stopped going darker. Ron and Hermione had gone pale more, perhaps from shock at Vernon's manner than his presence. Harry was still feeling distinctly weak in the knees and had only registered the fact that his uncle was thundering something at him. He hadn't really picked up any content of Vernon's initial salvo. When his uncle continued, however, Harry did pick up what he was saying.

"You, boy! What are you doing out of that ruddy school of yours and why did you bring your abnormal friends with you to our house, eh?! It's bad enough I have to feed and house you; but now I have to entertain your little mutant friends and whatever other freaks pop up looking for you!"

At the mention of "other freaks" popping up to look for them Harry, Ron, and Hermione exchanged looks, but wisely said nothing.

"Yes, boy, that's right. You're school is on to you. They sent a filthy horrible disfigured monster to come and look for you and your little friends."

Again, the trio exchanged looks, this time of confusion. One person... a disfigured person? That didn't sound like Figg. Even though Snape could shampoo more often than he did, it really didn't sound like him, either.

"That's right, the damn Frankenstein came right into our home and clumped about, giving orders and casting... spells." Vernon said this last word as if it came up with a particularly bad taste. "I'll have you know, boy, that YOU brought this upon us... you and your abnormality. I've had enough, boy, ENOUGH! I can't stand the sight of you. Get upstairs to your room while I think what to do about you. And take your ruddy friends with you!!" Vernon finally sputtered to a stop.

"But how-"

"No back talk boy!"

"Excuse me, Mr. Dursley, sir," Hermione began, "But we thought you and Mrs. Dursely had gone m-"

"Shut up girl! GO! ALL OF YOU, GO!"

Perhaps it was years of long practice. Perhaps he simply realized his uncle could not be reasoned with. In any case, Harry simply began to walk toward the stairs with a perplexed Ron and Hermione in his wake. They trailed up the stairs and Harry led them into his room. Moments after Harry had shut the door he heard the click of the key turning in the lock. Vernon had locked them in. 

Ever practical, Hermione immediately moved to the window and uttered an unintelligible oath and turned, saying, "Nailed shut."

"Magic then?" Ron asked.

"No!" Hermione said intently, "If we use magic the ministry will know where we are and come for us immediately."

"So? What does it matter at this point? Harry's Aunt and Uncle are, er, fine."

"Well, for one thing," Hermione said, annoyed, "We'd be breaking the Decree for the Restriction on Underage Wizardry. That would definitely put our expulsion over the top, don't you think?"

Ron nodded grudgingly and crossed to flop onto the bed.

"But that's only the least of our problems," Hermione continued, "You heard Harry's uncle. He said someone from Hogwarts came looking for US. The person he described didn't really sound like Madam Figg or even Snape... unless Snape's acquired a wooden leg we don't know about."

"A wooden leg?" Ron asked, totally confused.

"Yes. Harry's uncle said the person from school who came was 'clumping about.' He also said he was disfigured."

"It was probably Moody then, do you think?" Ron asked.

"Exactly." Hermione said

Harry said nothing. He had remained standing near the door still looking a bit pale, but he was listening.

"But, then what happened to Snape and Figg?" Ron asked.

"Very good question, don't you think? Seems to me Mr. Dursley would've certainly thrown in the fact that they were here in his diatribe, don't you think?" Hermione said not troubling to hide her disgust with Vernon.

Harry finally spoke. "So where are they? And where were Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia?" He asked, mystified.

"You don't think they're imposters down there, to throw us off? You know, polyjuice?" Ron offered, suddenly.

"No. That's definitely them, trust me." Harry said dryly.

"Alright, then," Hermione said, beginning to pace. "He said 'a' wizard was here and now we were. It doesn't sound like they've encountered any other witches or wizards at all."

"So they probably weren't abducted by Death Eaters at all, then." Ron said.

"Doesn't look like it," Harry said, flatly.

"So they were clearly somewhere else," Hermione said, thoughtfully.

"Wait, wait a minute, what about Perkins?" Ron interjected.

Harry and Hermione both shook their heads. It seemed the things they didn't know outnumbered the things they did.

"Alright," Hermione said, again, "We know they weren't here yesterday but they are today. We don't know where they were, but it seems they weren't with Death Eaters, in any case. We also know that Moody was here but they didn't see Snape or Figg. Whatever would have happened to them?"

"Snape and Figg or Harry's Aunt and Uncle?" Ron asked

"I meant Snape and Figg. If they weren't on the trail of an abducted Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, where would they have gone?"

"Back to Hogwarts, do you suppose?" Harry offered.

"Oh no. We're really, really, done for aren't we?" Ron asked.

"Definitely." Harry responded.

"All that trouble to sneak out without our absence being noticed and they notice fast enough to get someone here looking for us even before we get here," Ron said shaking his head.

"And," Hermione said grimly, "It seems we left before they could tell us the happy news. That must be why they noticed we were gone."

Harry was concentrating very hard on the floor.

"I'm sorry. This is all my fault, you know." He finally said, still staring at the floor.

"Oh, please, Harry," Ron said irritably, "Get off it, we insisted on coming - if you remember!"

"Don't be a martyr, Harry," Hermione added, "They make dull friends."

Ron laughed out loud in surprise and Harry felt a small grin tugging at his mouth. 

"No one knows the rules better than I," she continued brightly, "I chose to break them. Heck, I was tired of being a prefect anyway."

Harry clapped a hand to his head at this, and Ron said "Oh no!"

"'Mione! I didn't even think of that! Ohmygosh, I'm so sorry!"

Hermione looked a bit wistful for a moment, but then a wicked grin began to spread across her face. "Don't worry about it. I think it will do wonders for my image to be the first prefect 'stripped of her badge' in decades."

Ron's eyebrows sailed toward his hairline and Harry looked skeptical. Hermione just laughed and plopped down on the bed next to Ron. No one said anything for a few moments until Ron started sniggering.

"What?!" Hermione demanded.

"Hermione Granger, Rebel Without A Cause! It's just too much!"

"For you maybe, Weasley," she shot back, "But not for everyone." Ron coloured at this and stopped laughing. He was obviously remembering how he had felt when Viktor Krum had courted Hermione last year.

"So what are we going to do?" Harry said changing the subject as he and Hermione sat down on either side of Ron.

"Dunno. What do you think?"

They began to go over it all again and again, talking in circles but making no real progress in figuring their situation out. Eventually one after another of them flopped backward from their sitting position to lay on the bed sideways with their legs hanging off the edge. As they talked yawns began to become more frequent than words. Eventually, the three stressed and exhausted students each feel into an uneasy sleep.


	14. This Wont be Pretty

Young Ms. Figg Chapter Fourteen: This won't be pretty   
Young Ms. Figg Chapter Fourteen: This won't be pretty 

If Harry, Ron, and Hermione thought they'd had a difficult Sunday, they had nothing on Snape and Figg. A night on hard iron beds in a muggle jail had not improved either of their dispositions. Severus Snape awoke first and was already prowling tensely around his small cell when Ella Figg awakened a short time later. She kept her eyes closed for a moment bracing herself to face the reality of her situation. She was in jail, muggle jail. Somewhere Harry Potter's Aunt and Uncle were likely dead. The only protection Harry had outside of Hogwarts had likely been destroyed by Death Eaters or Voldemort himself. Meanwhile she and Severus sat on their respective bottoms in muggle cages. She wasn't sure, at this moment, she wouldn't prefer Azkaban. 

She hit the thin mattress with her fist and sat up suddenly... and regretted it. Muscles sore from the poor sleeping surface immediately screamed their protest. Ella let out several choice oaths. She heart a disgruntled "humph" behind her and stood to face Snape. He stood, arms crossed, regarding her through the bars which separated them. 

"Good morning to you, too, Severus," Ella said, irritably. 

He merely raised his eyebrow in reply. 

"Good morning to you as well, Ella" she said in a sarcastic growl. 

"Sarcasm will hardly help our situation," Snape noted dryly. 

"No!" Ella said in mock surprise, "The question isn't what will not help, it is what WILL. Have you come up with any notions while you've been skulking about your cell?" 

"No." Snape snapped, clearly annoyed, "We are caged like animals without our wands and with no conceivable way of contacting anyone in the magical community. This much I know and it is precious little comfort." 

"And bloody maddening!" Ella exclaimed plunging to her feet, "Damn, damn, damn!" 

"Letting your emotions get the better of you will hardly help," Snape noted dryly. 

"Oh shut up, Severus! Honestly, you are hardly the one to tell me - or anyone else - about what is best concerning our emotions. At least the rest of us deal with them!" Ella spat. 

"Oh I do beg your pardon?!" Snape snapped back, "I at least maintain some semblance of control over my emotions." 

"Hardly," Ella snorted, "If anything your emotions control YOU." 

"Oh, really!" Snape exclaimed, turning sharply to walk away. Unfortunately, his cell did not provide nearly enough distance. He stood mere feet away, facing the bars separating his cell from the last, empty, one. He breathed deeply grasping for calm. It didn't work. He whirled and strode back to the other set of bars with scarcely two steps. 

"You have a great deal of nerve, Arabella Figg," He said in a low voice that trembled with rage. "How dare you presume to know anything about me or my emotions... you of all people!" 

"Me of all people?" Ella asked, incredulous. 

"Yes, you," Snape hissed, "You and your little gang. You never knew anything about me, any of you -and you still don't. As near as I can tell the only thing you knew is that it was your job to make my life as difficult as possible. And just when I think I'm free every last one of you comes back to torment me yet again! Only Fletcher has the good sense or compassion to stay away!" he spat. 

"Oh, so it's all our fault is it? Severus Snape is a sour miserable man who takes out his frustrations on students who have done him no harm because of us? Come off it, Severus!" 

Snape had opened his mouth to make his retort when a police officer holding two small trays loudly cleared his throat. Both Snape and Figg looked up swiftly and coloured a bit with embarrassment at being overheard. The officer merely looked at them askance and held the trays out toward the openings in the bars that had obviously been designed for the trays to pass through. The prisoners both walked over, took their respective trays and went to sit on their beds - backs to one another. Without a word, the officer turned and left them. 

Instant oatmeal in styrofoam bowls, vending machine coffee, rather old looking vending machine tins of grapefruit juice, plastic spoons and packets of sugar were arranged without thought or imagination on the trays. 

"Hmph. Guess they don't get many overnighters," Ella muttered stirring the dyspeptic oatmeal. With a sigh (and a grimace) she put sugar in both the coffee and the oatmeal and had a go at eating. The oatmeal was already lukewarm at best and rather sticky. She only managed to force down a few spoonfuls before turning to the coffee. Fortunately, she had spent enough time with muggles to be used to bad coffee. She downed it quickly and toyed with the idea of the juice. Examining the can closely she could see a great deal of oxidation on the metal and what seemed to be a few flecks of rust. She put the can back on the tray and put the whole lot on the floor next to the cell door. 

She saw Snape had done the same. His oatmeal remained mostly untouched and his juice unopened. He had also only drunk half the coffee. Ella merely shook her head and headed for the chipped sink affixed to the back wall of the cell. She had to let the tap run for a moment before the water looked decent. She splashed a liberal amount of it on her face and patted it dry with her robe sleeve. She looked at the equally decrepit toilet situated in the open next to the sink and feared the worst. Still, something would have to be done... and soon. 

"Ah, Er, Officer, Sir?!" She called out. The breakfast-tray officer stood and made his way over to the cell. "Wha'?" he asked lazily. 

Ella took a breath and tried to seem a little more helpless and shy than she really was. 

"Well, sir, it's the toilet, sir. I'm a woman, you know, and it's out here in the open and I just couldn't, you know. Could someone take me somewhere more private please?" 

He regarded her for a moment then said, "Hold out your wrists in front of you." 

Ella did as she was told and was promptly placed back in the irons the officers had placed her in the day before. This done the officer unlocked the cell, opened the door and jerked his head. He led Ella to a Ladies room and held open the door. Ella looked from her wrists to him and back into the toilet. He merely shrugged and jerked his head. She'd have to manage. 

A full bladder can increase one's inventiveness considerably, so manage Ella did. When she was escorted back to her cell Severus was standing by his cell door. He held out his wrists and was met with a snort of derision. "Not a chance, mister. Only the ladies get taken to a different toilet, you'll have to make do." The officer said with a wicked grin. 

Ella didn't think it was possible for Snape's complexion to get paler... but it did. His eyes widened in horror as he watched the officer return to his desk with Ella's handcuffs. He looked at Ella and back to his own exposed toilet. She couldn't find it in herself to be amused by his plight. No matter what she did or didn't think of Severus and no matter how angry she was, she was still horrified for him. She knew that this might be more than his pride could bear. 

"Ah, Severus," she said in a voice that was barely a whisper. 

"What?" he snapped. 

Ella was looking at the floor by now so she couldn't see his expression, "I was thinking that your robes could make a sort of privacy drape. I'm, well, I'm just going to go over here to the front corner of my cell now and watch the officers fill in forms or something." Ella felt her cheeks blazing in sympathetic embarrassment as she made her way to the point in her cell farthest away from Severus' toilet. She kept her back turned and began to hum a little tune. As she heard the rustle of Severus removing and re-arranging the robes worn over his clothing she began to hum louder and tried to think of a tune. Unfortunately no tune came to mind... although some lyrics did. 

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, hoggy warty, Hogwarts," she sang, tuneless and loud, "Teach us something please, Whether we be old and bald, Or young with scabby knees," 

The officers seated at their desks looked up incredulously, mouths agape. 

"Our heads could do with filling, With some interesting stuff," she sang still louder to an ever-changing melody, "For now they're bare and full of air, Dead flies and bits of fluff," She was singing full-out now, and was definitely a bit flat, " So teach us things worth knowing, Bring back what we've forgot, Just do your best, we'll do the rest, And learn until our brains all rot!" She held the last note as long as possible then listened carefully, half cringing at the possibility poor Snape wasn't done. There was silence. Carefully she turned her head. About half-way round she saw Snape standing silently by the door of his own cell. "Oh thank God," she breathed. 

There was actually some color in the poor mans cheeks as he stood stiffly looking straight ahead. Finally, he spoke. 

"Arabella Figg, of all the things I've seen and heard you do I'd have to say that performance gives me the most pause." 

Stung, Ella turned to face him, a retort on her tongue. Then she noticed the ghost of a smile on his reddening face. "I mean, really, Ella, who memorizes the lyrics to that thing?" She tried very hard not to laugh but it was pointless. She was sputtering with embarrassment, stress, and repressed laughter. Before she knew it she was laughing so hard she had to sit on the floor. She was only able to stop when, with shock, she noticed Severus was also laughing... then she started right back up again. 

Finally she was able to take a few deep breaths and turned to Snape, who by now had also lowered himself to the floor. "I daresay, we're hysterical." she said, giggling again. For his part, Snape looked up at the officers who were still staring at them. His face quivered until he finally snorted and dissolved into laughter again. "Oh, I think you're right about that. In any case, I think we've finally convinced them that we're totally loony, don't you think?" 

Ella put her head in her hands and found herself dissolving into another fit of giggles. 

They had managed to recover enough to seem sane, or at least coherent when the solicitor assigned to them came to meet them shortly after lunch (which doesn't bear description). What he had to say wasn't good. It seemed the criminal charges were only the beginning of their troubles. With identities unconfirmed, they would not be released before trial. With their strange behavior, they might be committed. They were in trouble unless they could prove they were sane. The best way to do that, the solicitor noted, was to start telling the truth about who they were. 

Of course, what he did not realize is that telling the truth was the quickest way for Snape and Figg to find themselves in a psychiatric ward. They said nothing and the solicitor advised them to "do some thinking" before he returned the next morning. His visit certainly wasn't very encouraging - except that he managed to get Snape bathroom privileges. 

After he left they both sat in silence for a time, back to back on their respective beds, leaning against one another through the bars. 

"Perhaps he is right," Snape finally said. 

"Excuse me?" Ella replied in surprise. 

"Perhaps telling the truth would alert someone in the magical community to our plight. That is, after all, what we most need to do." 

"How, Severus?" 

"We know our ministry has a relationship with the muggle government. Perhaps if we stated the truth in open court some mechanism for informing the right people might be activated." 

"And if it's not?" 

"We will discover the particular delights of a muggle mental institution." 

Ella sighed but said nothing for a moment. 

"I've been going over and over this since we were arrested and there is one thing of which I'm sure: we don't want to wind up in a muggle prison. We would get better treatment in a mental hospital and might have a better chance of finding help or escaping," Ella conceded. 

There was a pause. Finally, Snape spoke, "So we are agreed?" 

"Yes. Tomorrow we tell them the truth. You're a warlock, I'm a witch, we live in a magical world and teach at a magical boarding school. You brew potions, I ride brooms. Under the correct circumstances we can turn them all into dung beetles." 

"That should do it," Snape sighed. 

Ella let out a harsh laugh into the silence that followed Snape's acknowledgment. 

"What?" 

"I just can't believe how quickly and easily we seem to have gotten into a situation where we are, essentially, backed into a corner," Ella said 

"I don't suppose you're used to that, are you?" Snape noted dryly. 

"What? the whole department of mysteries thing? Severus I did research." 

"No, I was referring to a little further back." 

"Ah, you mean school," Ella said - a bit softly. 

"You and your cronies got pretty used to getting out of all manner of scrapes virtually unscathed and usually unpunished." 

"We did. It gave us... how is you like to put it? 'A rather high opinion of ourselves'." 

"That's the sort of thing that can get you into a mess like this, Ella. Or worse. I should know." 

"I guess you do." Ella said without a hint of reproach in her voice, "Was it awful? You know the whole Death Eater thing?" 

Snape did not reply. Ella could feel his back moving against hers as he shifted. 

"I'm sorry, I had no business asking that." Ella finally said 

"It was." Snape suddenly said. Perhaps he was emboldened by the fact that their backs were to each other, or by the bond of a common crisis. It was doubtful even he knew why. Nonetheless, he spoke. 

"It was, as you say, 'awful'. It was also what I had come to believe was my inevitable destiny." 

"Inevitable?" 

"Yes." 

"Why?" 

Snape sighed. "I was trained from earliest childhood to expect nothing good from my fellow persons... nothing but misery, in fact. Finally I determined that I might as well cause it instead of being the victim of it." There was a long pause. "I was a fool. Causing it only increased it." 

Ella didn't know what to say but she felt the overwhelming urge to say something. Finally she settled for, "I'm sorry." 

"Don't be," Snape said sharply. 

"Too late, I am. I am sorry for what you've been through, certainly. Mostly I think I'm sorry that I had a part in convincing you to expect nothing but misery from others. Kids are cruel... even when we don't intend to be, we are." Snape said nothing at all in reply. Ella thought she felt a slight tremor but Snape was on his feet upon the instant so she couldn't be sure. 

Ella turned where she was sitting to look at him and he was moving sharply back and forth, his face clouded. "Please don't apologize. Believe me when I tell you that I more than made up for anything that was done to me by taking my misery out on others. Some would say I still do." 

Ella opened up her mouth to protest but Snape held up a hand. "No. I mean it, I've said too much already and I refuse to discuss it further." 

Ella closed her mouth but opened it again almost immediately. "Alright, but just answer me this: if you are aware of this, why do you continue to act the way you do?" 

"Ella, it's incredibly complicated. There are good reasons and - I suppose - stupid ones. In any case, it looks as if I'll have plenty of time with the muggle psychologists to figure it out." 

"Ptolmey's Ghost, I hadn't thought of that!" Ella exclaimed suddenly. 

"What?" Snape said, his brow furrowed. 

"I'm such an idiot! Treatment, Severus, they'll be sure to give us some treatment in the looney bin." 

"I'm sure we can both fabricate something suitable for discussion with the psychologists." 

"No, it's not that. Nowadays mental treatment includes a variety of medications, drugs. If they give us antipsychotics..." 

"I see your point." Snape said grimly. Finally, after a few moments pacing he said, "It is probably still our best option." 

"I know." Ella said grimly  


* * *

  



	15. In Which 3 Characters Get a Clue

Young Ms. Figg Chapter 15: In which three of our main characters finally get a clue. Young Ms. Figg Chapter 15: In which three of our main characters finally get a clue. 

As the beams of sunlight moved across Harry's room in Privet Drive, a beam finally found it's way to Ron's closed eyes. He threw his arm over his face with a grimace and rolled over... right into Hermione. She woke with a start and a small squawk, jumping up immediately, causing the mattress to bounce, and a sleeping Harry to slide onto the floor. There was a great deal of grumpy muttering for a few seconds until Hermione shook her head and yelled out. 

"Wake up, you guys! It's morning... we've lost hours and hours!" 

Harry, still on the floor shook his head and immediately regretted it as his very stiff neck sent out a sharp protest. Meanwhile Ron was groaning and rubbing his lower back. 

"Snap out of it, will you?" Hermione said impatiently, "It's Monday Morning, and we've got to think of a way to get out of here and get back to Hogwarts." 

"And," Ron added ruefully, "think of the best way to throw ourselves upon the mercy of the faculty." 

Harry uttered an inarticulate moan of despair and pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes. "Do we have to go back?" he asked in a voice that was obviously not meant to be taken seriously. 

"Wouldn't it be great if we didn't?" Ron said wistfully. 

Hermione snorted, "Yes, it would. It was also be great if we found a thousand Galleons under Harry's pillow. Since neither is going to happen I suggest we try to figure out how to handle what is." 

Ron glared at Hermione but, apparently, could not think of a decent retort that soon after waking. Hermione continued, "The window is nailed shut. Harry, do you have anything in here with which we could pry it open?" 

"Dunno," said Harry, rising and moving stiffly around the room, rubbing his neck, "Maybe there is something in all Dudley's junk." He had pointed to the shelf stuffed with broken toys and electronics. Hermione stepped sharply to the shelf and began sorting through it when there was a loud click and the door flew open to reveal Uncle Vernon, his mouth set in a grim line. 

"Your Aunt Petunia and I have decided that the best thing to do is to send you back to that... school... of yours. Understand this, boy," He continued, glaring, "If you ever show up here again when you're not supposed to be here you'll be out on the street." 

Harry looked at Vernon without changing his expression. It was hardly worth the effort. Meanwhile, Ron and Hermione exchanged meaningful looks. 

"If you want breakfast," Vernon continued, "You'll have to make it yourself. I expect you to be off the premises by noon." With that Vernon turned on his heel and stormed down the stairs. 

"Top of the morning, Uncle Vernon," Harry said sarcastically. 

"Harry," Ron said, "would you mind awfully if I told you that your Uncle is a git?" 

Harry spluttered with laughter and grinned, "Yes I would. Calling him a git insults decent gits everywhere." 

Even Hermione giggled at this, saying, "You're only related to him by marriage, right?" 

"Him, yes. Her, no." 

"My condolences." Hermione said. 

Before Ron could add anything his stomach did, emitting a loud rumble. "Ok," he said, turning a bit pink about the ears, "lets go eat something then go face the music." 

Both Vernon and Petunia were sitting at the kitchen table in stony silence when Harry, Ron, and Hermione entered the kitchen. Petunia winced at the sight of them and Vernon rustled the newspaper he was reading. Otherwise, however, neither acknowledged the trio. Harry shot the other two a look that said "what did you expect?" and went to the breadbox to get some bread for toast. Hermione began to gingerly open cabinets as Petunia stiffened. Fortunately, it didn't take her long to locate oatmeal and she simply took a saucepan from the drainboard. 

Harry, Ron, and Hermione ate their toast and oatmeal in silence while Vernon continued to read the paper and Petunia continued to look right through them. It was all the more shocking, therefore, when Vernon exploded upon turning a page in the paper. 

"WHAT?" he roared as Petunia, Ron, and Hermione all jumped. 

"BLAST IT! BLAST! THIS IS YOUR FAULT BOY!" Vernon spat at Harry gripping the paper hard. Harry looked at him blandly, waiting. 

"LOOK AT THIS, LOOK!" He said waving the paper so violently in front of Harry that it was impossible for him to actually see anything in it. 

"There is an article in the paper about US, about our home being burgled, and about the two freaks who did it. I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS BOY!" He yelled grabbing Harry's arm and pulling him toward the cupboard under the stairs, "You're not going back to that school, you're being sent to St. Brutus' Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys TODAY! As for your little friends they can deliver a letter to the fool who runs that ruddy school. Say goodbye, children, you won't be seeing one another again!" 

Harry had been surprised by Vernon grabbing his arm and so had been pulled off his chair. The larger man was making good progress dragging him to the cupboard when Ron shouted, 

'Non pote non sapere qui se stultum intellegit!" 

Petunia screamed and covered her head. Vernon froze, a look of genuine fear crossing his face. Hermione's eyes narrowed and a small smile played over her lips. 

"Cave quicquam incipias quod paeniteat postea!" she said with a very dangerous edge to her voice, "Mr. Dursley, if you don't let go of your nephew, you'll regret it." 

Ron had gotten his wand out and now pointed it at Vernon menacingly, "She's right." 

"But, But-" Vernon sputtered, "You can't do magic outside of school!' 

"We CAN," Harry said, straightening up, "We're just not SUPPOSED to. Of course, that hardly matters at this point. We're in an awful lot of trouble for sneaking away to look for you so 'In for a penny in for a pound' as they say." 

Vernon blanched and slowly released his grip on Harry, who straightened his robes with a wicked grin. "Thanks, Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia. I'll see you this summer... if I'm not expelled." With that he turned and led the way out of the house. Ron and Hermione followed pausing just long enough for Hermione to snatch up the newspaper. 

Once the front door had closed behind them all three exploded in fits of laughter as they ran down the steps and jogged a little way up the street. They stopped to sit on a stone wall and catch their breath, still laughing. 

"What did you two say?" Harry asked, between breaths 

Ron grinned, "'Non pote non sapere qui se stultum intellegit!' It's a favorite Latin quote of my Dad's. It means 'A man must have some wit to know he is a fool.'" 

Harry laughed, "Brilliant! It certainly scared the pants of them, didn't it?" 

Ron looked around Harry at the giggling Hermioine, "What in the world did you say?" he asked. 

"'Be careful about starting something you may regret.' It's from Syrus' Maxims. So was yours, Ron." 

"Ah, I see, I'll have to note that down," Ron said dryly. 

"Thanks, guys, that was terrific." Harry said. 

"So what the heck is in this paper, anyway?" Hermione said, smoothing it out on her lap and beginning to page through it. Harry leaned over to look and Ron craned his neck to see past Harry. Several pages in, two photos caught Hermione's eye and she gasped. Harry saw them too and made a little croak that was somewhere between a gasp and a laugh. 

Ron craned harder, but couldn't see. "What? What is it? Comeon, you two!" Harry and Hermoine were too busy reading the article under the photos so Ron quickly hopped up and sat down again on Hermione's other side. "Crimeny!" he breathed, a grin spreading across his face. What he saw were two police "mug shots". The criminals pictured were not just any prisoners, however. One shot was of a venomously scowling Snape, the other of a very sour looking Figg. 

POLICE SEEK PUBLIC ASSISTANCE IN IDENTIFYING SUSPECTS 

The Little Whinging Constables seek the assistance of the public in identifying two suspects arrested Saturday. The suspects, pictured above, were caught in the act of burgling Number Four Privet Drive, the home of Mr. and Mrs. Vernon Dursley while the pair were on holiday in Majorca. The suspects would give police only their names and birth dates. Upon investigation it was discovered that no persons by the names given exist. The police, therefore, hope that someone in the general populace may be able to provide a clue or clues about the criminal's identity. "I am not convinced, they know who they are," admitted a Spokesperson, "Their behavior has been odd, to say the least, and we are hoping someone who is responsible for them might come forward." Any persons with information are asked to telephone the Little Whinging Public Safety Building or present information in person. 

"Hallelujah!" Ron cried as he finished reading. 

"What?!" Both Harry and Hermione asked at once. 

"This is terrific! Don't you get it?" 

Harry looked mystified and Hermione scowled and said, "It won't matter where Snape is if we're expelled Ron. Besides, we're going to have to tell someone... even if it's just for Figg." 

"No, you don't get it!" Ron said gleefully. 

"Clearly." Hermione said dryly. 

"Ron, please, try to make some sense. What are you talking about?" Harry asked, impatient. 

"Okay, Snape and Figg didn't go back to Hogwarts, they're in jail, right?" Harry and Hermione nodded. "It says they were arrested Saturday. It's Monday now. So that means they couldn't have their wands and no one at Hogwarts knows where they are or they'd have been long gone, right?" 

"Yes, right, Ron, but I still don't" Hermione started, but Ron interrupted, excited, "Wait, I'm getting there. So they're stuck in muggle jail and they need rescuing. Well, what if WE did the rescuing?" 

"Excuse me?" Hermione asked. 

"If we got them out of a jam, then maybe that would make them a little less angry at us back at school. Maybe, then, we might not get expelled, Hermione!" Harry grinned and Hermione's mouth made a little "o". 

"Brilliant, Ron, talk about not losing your head in a crisis!" Harry said. 

"But," Hermione started, "you know they'd just want us to send an owl and let them know where they are... I mean we could just make it worse, get into more trouble..." 

"First off," Harry said, "I don't see any handy post owls." 

"And second," Ron said, jumping in, "we've done much more difficult things than spring a couple of people from jail. Hermione it's our only chance of earning a few grace points with Dumbledore." 

"I suppose..." Hermione said, trailing off uncertainly. She looked at Harry and Ron whose faces were imploring. "Ah, okay, in for a penny in for a pound it is." Ron gave a little "Whoop!" and Harry grinned. 

"Well, then, Ron," Hermione continued, "Do you have a plan?" 

"Not yet," Ron admitted, "How do muggles get one another out of jail, anyway?" 

"Bond is posted," Harry began, "you know someone gives money or property to guarantee the person will come to court. But we probably don't have enough money and it sounds as if they're not keen on letting them out, anyway. It sounds as if the police think they're a little, well, nutters." 

"Hmph." Ron grunted, "Snape IS, but that's beside the point. They want information, couldn't we go in and say they're our parents or something?" 

"I think they'd want us to prove it, Ron," said Hermione reasonably, "even if they didn't they think they're nuts so they wouldn't let them out. They'd likely just take us into protective custody or something." She stood up and began to pace a few steps back and forth, thinking aloud. 

"No, no, that won't work. Let's see. Ron, you had to be right about the wands or they'd be gone. All they really need to get out is a wand, any wand, right?" 

"Right," Harry said, "And we've all got ours... we just need to get one of them to them." 

"So we need to be where they are, right?" Ron said, "Where is the muggle jail, anyway?" 

"I'm not sure," admitted Harry, "but we couldn't just stroll in and hand them wands, anyway." 

"So," asked Hermione, "How do we get in there?" 

"Get arrested ourselves?" Ron offered. 

"Maybe, maybe," Harry said, "but we'd have to do it without losing our wands and I think they search you when they arrest you." 

"But," Hermione interrupted, excited, "they don't actually arrest you for truancy, do they? I mean they just take you in and call your parents or the school or something, right?" 

"How the heck do YOU know that, Hermione?" Ron asked, with a touch of sarcasm. 

"She's right, Ron! All we have to do is get taken in for being out of school!" Harry looked at his watch, "And we should have been in school an hour ago. So this shouldn't be too hard. We just make sure we goof around a bit where the police can see us, right?" 

"No, wait, Harry you can't!" Hermione said, suddenly. 

"Why not?" 

"Because they'd call the Dursley's wouldn't they?" 

"Yeech, lets keep them out of it," said Ron. 

"Okay, so what do we do then? Just the two of you?" 

"Wait! Yes! It's perfect!" Ron exclaimed, "Hermione and I get taken in for truancy and you follow, keeping yourself hidden, right? Then, once you're sure we're inside you sneak in behind us and cause some sort of big distraction so one of us can nip over to where they've got Snape and Figg and get them a wand!" 

Hermione looked impressed, "Ron that's perfect! Except, Harry, you should wait until we've been in there about ten minutes at least so we can figure out where they keep the prisoners." 

"Is that enough?" Harry asked. 

"Well, any more than that and they'd be asking us our names and I don't think Ron's name would check out." 

"Good point," Harry said thoughtfully, "I'll wait ten minutes. But, Ron, if they do get to the point where they want to know your name tell them it's Piers Polkiss." 

"Piers Polkiss. Right. Who is that?" 

"Just a little git I know... sort of a Crabbe to Dudley's Malfoy." 

"Perfect!" pronounced Hermione, "Too bad Malfoy and his cronies are from wizarding families, it would have been fun to give one of their names." 

Harry stayed hidden in a small park next to the main shopping area of Little Whinging while Ron and Hermione loudly roamed the streets, littered, jaywalked, and generally made a nuisance of themselves. They kept this up until a police car finally pulled up and two officers got out and made their way over to Ron and Hermione as he tried to help her climb to the top of a post box. Harry grinned and crossed the park, slipping into an alley between two shops. He had looked up the address of the Police station in the telephone directory. Unless he missed his guess he could take a shortcut and get there very soon after Ron and Hermione. 

He was right. His route was far more direct than the one the police car was forced to take. What's more, the car must have traveled very slowly. When Harry came within sight of the station, the officers were just escorting Ron and Hermione through the front doors of the ugly, squat building that served as Little Whinging's "Public Safety and Legal Centre". Harry looked at his watch. Ten minutes to go.   


* * *

  



	16. Witch and Wizard in a Cage

Young Ms. Figg, Chapter 16: A Witch and a Wizard in a Cage Young Ms. Figg, Chapter 16: A Witch and a Wizard in a Cage 

Monday Morning: Jail. 

"What time is it?" Snape asked irritably. He and Ella were sitting back to back on the iron cots in their cells, waiting. They had a court date just after lunch and their solicitor was due at eleven to meet with them. 

"Have you gone blind? Look for yourself!" Ella snapped. 

"You're facing the clock, Ella. For the love of Avalon, would it kill you to tell me the time?" Snape shot back. 

Ella sighed. She hated it when Severus was right. "It's half past nine," she said. 

"Thank you." 

"You're welcome." 

"No I'm not." 

"Pardon?" 

"I'm not welcome, my question wasn't in any case." 

"Severus, I was just being polite." 

"And dishonest." 

"A white lie at best and certainly an unintended one," Ella said not troubling to hide the exasperation in her voice. She regretted it immediately as she felt Severus' back shaking. Shocked, she turned to face him. 

"Severus, what's the m-?" 

He was laughing, shaking with silent giggles. The last time Severus had laughed she'd been laughing hard, herself. This was her first good look at Severus while he was laughing and it was... strange to say the least, almost creepy. That, and she was offended. 

"Not funny." she said shortly. 

"I suppose not," Severus said trying to swallow a grin, "It must be the stress and the bad food." 

"And the company?" Ella asked sharply. 

There was a pause. "No." Severus said firmly, "Although, I'll admit being confined in this small space is beginning to wear on my nerves." 

"I agree," Ella said dully, "Still, it's better than that closet at the Dursleys." 

"Pardon?" 

"The closet at the Dursleys, the one under the stairs. This is better." 

"I suppose," Snape said slowly, clearly confused, "But I don't understand what that has to do with anything. What was the big deal about that blasted cupboard anyway?" 

Ella looked at Snape with surprise, "You don't know?" 

"Obviously not," Snape said, trying to control his impatience. 

"They, the Dursleys, locked Harry in that closet until he was eleven and he got the Hogwarts letter," Ella said with disgust, "I can't believe you didn't know." 

Snape's eyebrows rose at the news, but he did not respond for a moment. 

"Is THAT why you wanted me to see it?" he finally asked. 

"Yes. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a very bad idea." 

"What is it about Potter and giant messes?" Snape wondered aloud, after a pause. 

Ella turned on him, "You aren't seriously blaming Harry for this, are you? Merlin's Beard, Severus, does your bitterness blind you to everything?" 

Snape scowled darkly at this comment and opened his mouth. He shut it again very firmly and walked a couple of paces back and forth. 

Ella wasn't finished, however, "Severus, does your hatred of James really go that far? That you would blame Harry even for this..." 

"I don't BLAME him, Ella," Snape said, exasperated, "I was merely noting that Harry seems to attract more than his fair share of misfortune. Surely, you don't disagree with that?" 

"Well, no," Ella said, confused. 

"And as for my hatred of James... and Sirius and Lupin and Pettigrew you left them out... well, I suppose it's my own business isn't it?" 

"I suppose," Ella said, not sounding at all convinced. "It just seems to me that if you see someone poisoning themselves you ought to try and make them stop." 

"Poisoning?" 

"Yes. Your bitterness is killing you... or at least killing your chances to be happy with your life." 

"I see," Snape said dryly. "But did it ever occur to you that I am not ingesting poison but a vaccine?" 

Ella scowled at him. 

"Perhaps I'm keeping more pain and disappointment at bay. Bitterness is an effective shield, you should try it." 

"No thank you," Ella said softly. She knew he was wrong but couldn't think of a response. 

In any case, they were soon presented with something that completely distracted them from the conversation. 

There was a small bit of commotion as two police officers began to lead more prisoners into the building. Ella turned her back on the scene muttering, "Company. Oh joy." But Snape's face was staring fixedly at the door and his hand shot though the bars to grip Ella's arm. 

"Ow! Severus, what the-" Ella trailed off as she looked at Snape's face. She then pulled his hand from her arm and turned slowly around to see what he was staring at. 

The officers were pulling a rather contentious Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger over to some chairs. Ella's mouth dropped open and she passed a hand over her eyes. When she looked again they were still there and they were both looking over at the cells and grinning.


	17. I Shot the Sheriff but I Did Not Shoot t...

  
Young Ms. Figg Chapter 17: "I Shot the Sheriff, But I Did Not Shoot The Deputy" 

Ella whirled back around to face Severus... who had not moved. He was still staring at Ron and Hermione.

"Am I seeing things?" she said in a low, incredulous voice.

"Only if I am," Snape answered softly, his eyes narrowing as if he were just checking to be sure.

"Alright then," Ella said, turning back again to look at Ron and Hermione. They were a study in contrast. Hermione was tense and alert; looking around very carefully at everything. Ron, too, was looking all around. It was clear, however, that he was doing so for his own amusement. His eyes were wide and his mouth open in a slight grin as his head swivelled all about.

Where's Harry? Ella wondered, I can't imagine Ron and Hermione would have come here without him.

Her attention was taken away from this question by the meaningful look Hermione shot straight at her. Hermione was staring her straight in the eye and raising her eyebrows meaningfully. Clearly, she's not surprised to see us here, Ella thought wryly. Hermione tapped her wristwatch held up both hands to indicate the number ten, and tapped her watch again.

"Ten minutes," Ella said very softly.

"Until what?" Severus whispered back, scowling.

"Good question," Ella answered still looking at Hermione. Then, after glancing around to be sure no constables were watching, Ella mouthed "WHAT?"

Hermione pointed to herself, to Snape and Figg, and then to the door.

"I figured that," Snape hissed, impatiently. 

Ella glanced around again and mouthed, "HOW?"

It was Hermione's turn to look around to assure herself no one was watching. Satisfied, she reached into the wrist of one of her sleeves and slid something out a very few inches. She looked meaningfully at Ella, slid it back up her sleeve, and pointed again.

Ella edged over to the bars separating her cell from Severus'.

"Did you catch that?" she hissed, moving her lips as little as possible.

"Granger is going to try to get her wand to you in about six minutes," Severus replied very softly, "Can you stun the whole room?"

"Not a problem... but I'll probably wind up hitting one or both of the kids, too."

"We can revive them," Snape said in an eye-rolling tone.

"I know, I just wanted you to be aware! As soon as I get my hands on that wand I'll unlock our cells and get our wands back."

"Excellent," Severus whispered, looking at the clock, "Four minutes or so."

Less than one minute later a series of loud explosions were heard in the vestibule. Everyone in the room who wasn't in a cell jumped up and began to rush toward the doors. Hermione, however, launched herself from her chair and began to move quickly to the cells. As she did so, she caught an officer's eye and he turned and reached out to grab her, only just missing. He hurried quickly after her.

"Hurry," Ella intoned, thrusting her arm out of the cell as far as it would reach. Hermione reached out with the wand like a relay runner handing off the baton and slapped it in Ella's hand just as the officer made a successful lunge for her arm. 

"Stupefy!" Ella yelled, pointing her wand at the officer as Hermione ducked. The spell his him squarely and he fell. Wasting no time, Ella directed the wand at the jumble of officers who were just piling out into the vestibule. "Percipio Stupefy!" She cried and the rest of the officers crumpled in untidy heaps.

Ella directed Hermione's wand at each cell door in turn incanting "Alohomora" each time. They both stepped out quickly and shut the doors behind them with two satisfying clicks.

"Ah, Potter," Snape said.

Ella's eyes followed his and she saw Harry climbing over the unconscious police persons.

She raised the wand swiftly calling, "Accio Wands" with evident satisfaction. A drawer of one of the file cabinets along the wall flew open and sent two wands shooting toward Ella and Severus like missiles. Snape reached past Ella to catch his own as Ella snatched hers from the air. 

"Keep a lookout," Snape called to Harry as Ella gave Hermione her wand back.

"Take care of Ron, and I'll get started on this lot," Ella said, pointing her wand at the unconscious officer who had grabbed Hermione. "Mobilicorpus," she commanded, directing the officer in the air with the wand as Snape could be heard reviving Ron, who had been caught by the stunning spell. Ella levitated the officer to his desk chair and moved on to the pile of men and women at the door.

Hermione looked at the unconscious man now seated before his desk appraisingly and moved purposefully to him and began to arrange his hands and arms so that it seemed he was doing his paperwork once more. Ron caught on quickly and moved to help "arrange" the officers as Snape and Ella returned them to their respective desks. (After two days with nothing better to do, Ella and Severus had picked up on where each of them was supposed to sit.)

A small part of Ella's brain noticed that Hermione tended to put her persons back to work whereas Ron tended to put their hands around coffee cups and bakery buns. When all had been returned, Ella checked over the scene. Ron had arranged the officer who had brought him in so that his finger was up his nose. She shook her head but did nothing. With the cell doors shut and locked and the staff at their desks it would seem that they had all disappeared into thin air. That will give them pause, she thought with satisfaction.

She turned a final time to the wall of file cabinets, raised her wand, and cried, "Accio arrest records!" Two different drawers flew open and hurled file folders into Ella's hand. She couldn't resist a quick look at the mug shot attached to the inside of her file jacket. Her face formed a grimace and she snapped it shut.

"Quickly," Severus said, leading the rest to join Harry at the doors to the vestibule.

"There's no one out there," Harry said and Snape led them swiftly out the door. He looked carefully out the front doors then led the group outside, down the steps and into the nearest alleyway. 

"You were early!" Hermione complained to Harry as they hurried away from the station.

"No I wasn't!" Harry insisted.

"Now you know why they 'synchronize their watches' in muggle spy movies," Ella said shortly.

"We don't have time to discuss it, just MOVE," Snape snapped.

They emerged from one alleyway, made several turns, and started down another. Finally, when they emerged from the second alley onto a deserted street Ella said, "Stop!" The others stopped moving, turning to see what Ella was up to.

"If we're still on foot, when they awaken, it will increase their chances of finding us," she said, turning her gaze on Harry, Ron and Hermione, "and you can't apparate."

"Floo?" Harry said uncertainly

"Not unless you have some Powder on you," Snape growled, "AND you've got a fireplace on the Floo Network handy."

"Er, no." Harry said.

"That's alright, I've got an idea," Ella said, eyeing two cars parked a short distance away. "We could use one of those to get somewhere safe more quickly."

"Do you know how?" Snape asked sounding surprised.

"I've picked up a few things along the way, Severus," she said, moving toward the car. "You lot, act casual and keep an eye out." 

"Well, it shouldn't be too difficult, should it?" Ron said, "Alohomora to unlock it and some other to start it, right?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Ron," she said, "Any car with a battery won't respond well to magic. Magic and electricity don't mix. You'd have to modify the car to make it run off magic. I thought YOU of all people would know that!"

"And," Snape added, "that would be mis-use of a muggle artifact; wouldn't it Mr. Weasley?"

Both Ron and Harry coloured slightly at this and Hermione turned suddenly with her hand over her mouth.

"Ah, yes. Right." Ron said

Meanwhile Ella had walked casually over to the car, snapped off the radio antenna, and bent the end into a "J". She looked around then slipped the antenna between the car window and the weatherstripping on the door. She lowered it carefully, moving it carefully back and forth as she went. After a moment she uttered a small "aha!" and pulled the antenna straight up. Harry recognized the distinctive sound of the car door unlocking.

"Wow," he and Ron both said softly. He couldn't be sure, but it sounded as if Hermione made a "humph."

"Kids," Ella said sweetly, turning toward them with a gleam in her eye, "Get into the back seat while Mum and Dad fix the car trouble, would you?"

Ron snorted. Harry looked toward Snape, mouthed "Dad," and made a face. Hermione, however, moved to the opened door and began to climb in. 

Ella transfigured the antenna into a screw driver and strode to the front of the car, Snape following. She slid it under the bonnet, made a jerking motion, and then opened the bonnet, obscuring herself and Severus from the view of the three in the back seat. They could just see through a gap at the bottom of the windshield. Snape had his back to them, probably on the lookout. 

Figg seemed to be following some wires across the engine to the rear of it, near the windshield. She detached a red wire and moved back to the battery where it seemed she was attaching it. She then followed a wire to another part of the engine, fiddled around a bit, and the engine roared to life. Ron and Harry looked at one another then back to the front of the car where Figg was already lowering the bonnet.

"I wish Fred and George could've seen that!" Ron said, sounding impressed.

"Oh, Ron, really," Hermione remonstrated, "You do realize this is illegal, don't you?"

Snape, who was climbing into the passenger seat snorted. Ella, who was pulling the driver's door shut simply said, "Desperate times call for desperate measures." She then put the end of the screwdriver in the crack between the steering wheel and the steering column to unlock the wheel, checked her mirror, and pulled away.

"Speaking of illegal, Miss Granger," Snape said, "did you not just facilitate a jail break?"

"Well," Hermione muttered, colouring, "yes."

"In for a penny, in for a pound, as they say." Ella said only taking her eyes from the road to glance frequently in the car mirrors.

"In addition," Snape added sharply, "I very much doubt any of you has permission to be away from school. And you, Potter. I could swear I heard the sound of you breaking the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry back there."

"I did not!" Harry retorted, "I used Filibuster Fireworks. Ron had them in his pockets."

"Ah, indeed," Snape continued sarcastically, "It seems you have at least been very careful not to break the decree. I am so glad to hear that some rules are important to you. Meanwhile you've endangered your own life and the life of your friends by bringing them into a situation where Death Eaters have already likely-"

"But-" Harry said,

"Don't interrupt me, Potter," Snape snapped. "I suppose you thought that you were a match for the Death Eaters who killed a full grown wizard from the ministry and kidnapped your fam- ,er, The Dursleys."

"But-" Hermione said.

"But what?" Ella snapped, "Professor Snape is right. Coming here was foolish and dangerous. I admire your concern for the Dursleys' safety but you've got to learn to think things through before you act!"

"But-" Ron said.

"Mr. Weasley," Snape growled, "You might do better to keep your silence and think how you intend to explain this little exploit to your parents. I daresay they won't be pleased with yet another stunt from you. For that matter, all three of you might want to devote some thought to what you intend to say to your house-mates. I suspect the points you'll lose for this will put Gryffindor into negative figures in the house cup competition."

"Meanwhile," Ella jumped in, "Leave things like this to people who have the skills and experience to handle it... and who have been asked to do so. You three are going straight back to Hogwarts while Professor Snape and I continue our search."

"But- "All three said.

"DON'T even think of arguing with me. What you've done is very serious and I've just spent two nights in jail so my patience is rather thin at the moment."

"Rather like being in the car with your parents, isn't it?" Ron whispered to Hermione as Ella turned the car sharply into a drive. Harry looked up to see they had returned to number four Privet Drive.

"Inside," Snape snapped as he and Ella opened the car doors.

"But professors," Hermione said earnestly, "You might want to know that- "

"Be Quiet, Miss Granger!"

Harry, Ron, and Hermione just looked at one another. Harry then shrugged and started heading toward the front door. He opened it, and entered with Ron and Hermione on his heels and Snape and Figg not far behind.

Just as Ella and Snape crossed the threshold a horrible, angry bellow reached their ears. They both whipped out their wands and sprinted forward. They rounded the corner on the kitchen and saw the Dursleys. Both of them stopped dead.

Vernon, who had been yelling, also froze with his mouth still open. His eyes grew wide and a deep purple colour began to creep up his neck.

"Mr. and Mrs. Dursley," Ella said faintly, "How? Er, good to see you again."

"A witch!" screeched Aunt Petunia, "I should have known! A witch!" She sounded like something out of a Monty Python movie, but her screeches had the effect of snapping Vernon out of his shock.

"BOY!" he bellowed louder than ever, rounding on Harry, "What did I tell you about showing up here again?! What did I say about your freak friends?! It's bad enough Petunia and I are saddled with YOU, you little slug, but we will NOT put up with a parade of your-"

"OH, SHUT IT, DURSLEY!" Snape yelled over Vernon's bellowing.

Vernon stopped speaking and slowly shut his mouth. Ron and Harry were looking at Snape with frank surprise. Hermione, however, was taking advantage of the opening this provided.

"This is what we were trying to tell you in the car," she said, "they're not missing or kidnapped. They never were."

"They were in Majorca," Harry said with a note of disgust.

"Alright, then," Ella said, her voice soft with anger, "Fine. We still need to get you three back to Hogwarts and to go ourselves. Severus, I'll apparate to the ministry and get this fireplace an emergency connection to the Floo Network."

Aunt Petunia paled visibly at these words and put her hand over her heart.

"I'll be back shortly," Ella said glaring at the Dursleys as she raised her wand and disappeared with a faint "pop". Aunt Petunia went slightly green at the sound but had enough sense to say nothing. Vernon was changing to a deeper shade of purple. He too, was silent. Harry suspected this was less from good sense and more from being choked up with his own rage and impotence. Served him right.

"Go. Sit." Snape said shortly, pointing the trio toward the sitting room. Snape looked sourly at Vernon, who was now magenta, and said snidely, "keep on that way and you'll have a stroke." This sent Vernon to sputtering but Snape ignored him. He walked, instead, into the sitting room. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were all sitting silently trying to take it all in, but Snape did not join them. He went, instead to the fireplace where he stood looking at the array of photos on and above the mantle. The photos were primarily of the absent Dudley, with an occasional "family portrait" which featured Vernon and Petunia as well.

Harry watched as Snape made a sound of derision and muttered, "How very charming," in a voice dripping with sarcasm. He then turned to Harry and said, in a voice loud enough to be clear to Vernon and Petunia, "Potter, I'd suggest you get anything of yours you need while we're here but it appears that you were already able to pack all your belongings in your school trunk - with room to spare."

Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise. What was Snape playing at? Why would he care? Was he just baiting Vernon?

Apparently he was.

Vernon came harumphing into the room. "You, sir, have nothing to say about it. You aren't the one who has had to bear the expense and trouble of the boy all these years."

"Pathetic," Snape said, "Just the kind that gives muggles a bad name."

"AND YOU," Vernon began with the boldness that comes from lack of common sense, "WILL NOT ADDRESS ME WITH YOUR SILLY NAMES!"

"You," said Snape calmly, but with a low and dangerous edge to his voice, "deserve to be called far worse. Consider yourself fortunate I only say 'muggle'."

Vernon either ignored the tone in Snape's voice or likely was too thick to pick up on it. In any case, he forged ahead, just as he had with Moody.

"THIS is MY house," he shouted spit flying, "And I WILL NOT stand for-"

Snape waved his wand, and Vernon was suddenly lying flat on his back upon the floor.

"There," Snape said silkily, "Now you don't have to 'STAND' for it."

Petunia screeched in horror from the hall, while all three students clapped their hands over their mouths to try to keep themselves from laughing. For his part, Vernon just lay there, stunned. Snape stepped over to Vernon and looked down at him. "Don't make me turn you into a Newt." he said.

This sent Petunia's screeches to a new level. Snape ignored her, stepping over to the couch, instead. 

"Potter," he said in an ill-tempered voice, "I feel it only decent to inform you that the woman screeching in the hall is nothing like your mother. You deserve to know."

"Ah, um, thank you, sir?" Harry said and Snape turned to the fireplace from which noises were emerging. It had been blocked up and an electric fire placed there instead. Ella was apparently in the fireplace and, just as Mr. Weasley had the year before, was aiming several very hard kicks or spells at the boarded-over opening. With a satisfying "crack" the wood gave way and splintered into the room in every direction, toppling the electric fire and spreading a great deal of soot in every direction. There was a distressed whimper from the hall, then silence.

Ella stepped out, moved to a part of the sitting room that had been shielded from the ash, and began to bat VERY hard at her robes to clear them of ash. She then held up a small drawstring bag. "Let's get a move on. Students first, go to Hogsmeade Station." 

Harry, Ron, and Hermione all got up as Snape lit a fire with his wand. They held out their hands and Ella sprinkled some green powder into each of them. One by one, they threw the glittering powder into the flames, and stepped in calling "Hogsmeade Station." Ella sprinkled some powder in Snape's hand and her own. Snape threw his in the flames without a backward glance and stepped in calling "Hogsmeade Station." 

Ella paused a moment, looking at the ash covered living room and the two prone Dursleys (Petunia had fainted by this time). Muttering a noise of disgust she turned back to the fireplace and caught sight of the same photos Snape had been viewing. With a glint in her eye she pointed her wand at them muttered something Vernon couldn't quite catch. She then threw her powder into the fireplace and was gone.

Vernon sat up promptly and caught sight of the photos. Each face in them now bore a mustache and beard. He barely had time to digest this when the doorbell rang. He scrambled awkwardly to his feet and looked out the window to see several police officers around a strange car in his drive. He helped a now-conscious Petunia to her feet as he headed to the front door with a feeling of dread.

He opened it to reveal a stern looking officer.

"Mr. Vernon Dursley?" the officer asked, in clipped tones. Vernon nodded. "We were wondering if you'd like to explain why you have a stolen car in your drive."

*****

I don't like to beg, but I will: Phuleese review. Thanks.


	18. The Final Reckoning

* * *

  
Young Ms. Figg, Chapter 18: The Final Reckoning. 

Thankfully, the fireplace at the Hogsmeade station was quite large. One didn't have to stoop over and turn oneself into a pretzel to get in and out of it. Ella stood inside it for a brief moment before emerging to join Severus, Ron, Harry, and Hermione. 

With the return to Hogsmeade, Severus seemed to have returned to his old self. He stood glowering over the students with his arms crossed. For their part, Harry and his friends seemed paler and a bit more anxious than they had been at the Dursleys. 

"Good," Ella thought, "Let them stew about it for a bit." With that, she stepped out, gave her robes a firm shake, and said, "I Flooed Dumbledore from the ministry. I would expect the Headmaster and Professor McGonagall will be waiting for us at the castle. So lets move." 

Ella walked quickly toward the doors and Severus moved immediately to walk with her out of the station. The students, however, seemed to be moving a bit more slowly than usual. This walk was going to be very long for them. Ella quickened her step so that she and Severus were several paces ahead. 

Ella jerked her head slightly in the students' direction. "I daresay those three aren't looking forward to seeing the castle as much as I am." 

"I'm not sure I'm looking as much forward to it as I might," Severus noted grimly. 

"Well, yes, I don't imagine either of us will feel very competent when we explain how we came to spend two nights at the Little Whinging Ritz Carleton," Ella admitted, "But I expect the embarrassment will be made more bearable by the chance to sleep in my own bed." 

"Exactly how much might we look forward to explaining?" Snape asked in a voice that made it clear he was most certainly not looking forward to it. 

"Well, I had to tell the ministry what went on so they could send a couple of obliviators to do some tidying up. I did NOT provide details, however. As for Dumbledore, I told him the Dursleys were safe and that you and I had the "terrible trio" in hand and would be returning shortly." 

"That's all?" 

"Well, yes. I didn't fancy having a go at it shouting the details at Dumbledore's head in a fireplace grate with Fudge hanging over my shoulder." 

"Perfectly understandable," Snape said darkly. 

"Listen, Severus, I think Dumbledore will be content to let us go light on the details of HOW we wound up in jail with the students there. But, we're going to have to address it." 

"Yes," Snape said sourly, "No doubt Potter, Weasley, and Granger will expect their assistance to us to mitigate their punishment. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they don't hope it will erase it." 

"Oh, no, my friend," Ella said, "That's NOT going to happen. Getting us out of jail may provide the needed excuse to keep from expelling them; but they WILL be punished for running off like that, I promise you." 

"You are obviously not familiar with Potter's record of rule-breaking without punishment." Snape said dryly. 

"Actually, I've read his file quite carefully. Still, I don't think either Dumbledore or McGonagall will take them running off lightly. Even if Harry, Ron, and Hermione don't know how potentially disastrous that was, Albus and Minerva do. Besides, I'll wager Minerva's nearly apoplectic with anger." 

"Still..." Snape said darkly. 

"Still, nothing! I've already come up with a punishment that might actually make an impression." 

"Really?" Snape said, sounding both hopeful and curious, "What?" 

"Oh, you'll see." 

Several paces back Harry, Ron, and Hermione trudged slowly and methodically in Figg and Snape's wake. For the first bit they said nothing to one another. After a time, however, Ron finally spoke. 

"You don't reckon they'd expel us, do you?" 

"They probably should," Hermione said miserably. 

"Yes, but they probably won't. Let's face it, the three of us have earned a lot of points for ourselves, as it were. We've got some credit built up." Harry said. 

"Well, I just hope we have enough credit to cash in on." Hermione said. 

"I expect we've got just enough to keep ourselves in school," Harry said, "Dumbledore may FEEL like expelling us, but I don't think he wants the three of us out of Hogwarts. Not now." 

"I wish I felt as confident as you do," Ron said 

Harry laughed, "Oh, I don't FEEL confident, I'm just trying to convince MYSELF." 

"Spiffing." Ron said dully. 

"Harry's right," Hermione sighed, "I think Dumbledore will be very angry but he'll want to keep us here, even if it's just to keep us safe. I shudder to think of the punishment, though." 

"Really!" Ron agreed, "I mean, those two up there have been pretty sour with us even after we rescued them from jail! If THEY'RE this angry..." 

"I know." Harry said. 

Hermione looked up at the Hogwarts castle which was drawing steadily closer. "This isn't going to be pretty," she said. 

As the five figures approached the stone steps to the castle's large oak doors, one of them swung open and Minerva McGonagall stepped out of it and stood, fairly quivering with rage. Harry and Ron had seen her mouth go very thin with anger in the past. Right then her mouth was so thin it seemed to have disappeared. Snape and Figg said nothing to her, simply mounting the steps and standing beside her to wait for the students to follow. 

"Stop dragging your feet and move smartly!" McGonagall hissed turning and sweeping swiftly inside with Snape and Figg right behind. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had to run to catch up. Never had the walk to McGonagall's office seemed so long... or so short. 

When they arrived McGonagall opened the door and tersely said, "Inside." 

The first thing Harry saw upon entering McGonagall's office was an extremely stern-looking Dumbledore. Ron, however, noticed something entirely different. 

"DAD!" he exclaimed, "What are you doing here?" 

A rather upset Mr. Weasley was standing... or rather pacing... beside Dumbledore. At Ron's words he stopped moving and placed his hands on his hips. 

"Where, exactly, would you expect me to be when one of my children goes missing... again?" 

Ron's ears bypassed pink and went a very bright red. Hermione, on the other hand, went quite pale. 

"Oh, my word, MY parents!" She exclaimed. 

"Your parents, Miss Granger," said McGonagall as she swept into the room, "were so upset at the news of your disappearance that we felt it unwise for them to undertake the journey here." 

"Oh," Hermione breathed. 

"Naturally, we have since informed them that you are safe." With that, McGonagall turned her attention to Snape and Figg. "Severus, Ella, do sit down." 

Snape and Figg were only too glad to do so as Dumbledore cleared his throat and spoke in a soft, disappointed voice that made Harry, Ron, and Hermione's hearts drop. 

"Ella, Severus, I am gratified to see you returned to us and I am relieved to find our students safe. I feel, however, that some explanations are most definitely in order." 

"Yes!" Mr. Weasley agreed rather emphatically. McGonagall just glowered. Harry shifted from foot to foot, noticing that Ron was now so red that heat was coming off him. Hermione, on the other had seemed to have developed a slight tremor. Harry didn't know where to start. 

It was Dumbledore who began, "Professor Moody returned to us yesterday with the news that Harry's Aunt and Uncle had not been kidnapped or harmed in anyway but, rather, had been on holiday." 

"In Majorca," Ella supplied dryly. 

"Indeed," Dumbledore said, "alas, that clears up only one of the mysteries concerning the whereabouts of persons connected to our school." 

Ella sighed and looked at Severus. He nodded grimly. 

"Due to an unfortunate set of circumstances, Professor Snape and Myself were deprived of our wands and detained by Muggle law enforcement authorities." 

McGonagall actually gasped and her expression was one of frank surprise for a moment. Then she caught sight of the students and her mouth disappeared again. 

Mr. Weasley moaned, "Oh, no. They're likely beside themselves at the ministry." 

"Actually, Arthur," Ella said, "We cleaned up pretty well after ourselves at the Muggle jail. They sent out Obliviators to do the rest." 

Dumbledore's gaze moved from Ella to Harry, Ron, and Hermione, "During this time the three of you were where?" 

Harry cleared his throat, "Ah, mostly traveling to Surrey, Sir." 

"We had to use muggle transportation because of the Decree, of course," Hermione said in a voice that was a bit more squeaky than normal. 

"We went straight to my Aunt and Uncles, Sir, and found them there." 

"Then, why, Potter, did you not return to us or send word?" McGonagall asked in an aggrieved voice. 

"Mr. Dursley was in quite a state," Hermione said, "He was going on about a disf- About a wizard that had been there. He thought this was Harry's fault and he was also angry with Harry for coming home -and for bringing us." 

Mr. Weasley made a small noise of disgust at this. Ron looked up hopefully at this, but Arthur Weasley saw this, crossed his arms, and looked stern. 

"He locked all three of us in my room," Harry said with a hint of anger. 

"The window was bolted shut and we didn't think it a good idea to use our wands," Ron supplied. 

"We realized that it must have been Moody who came and that the Dursleys hadn't said anything about Madam Figg or Professor Snape which seemed odd," Hermione said, warming to the telling of the tale in spite of herself. Hermione, Ron, and Harry went on to describe the events from their perspective. Ella merely sat back and listened with interest. Snape was grim. 

When Hermione mentioned Ella taking the arrest records, Ella sat up. "Ah, yes," she said, as she rose and strolled over to the fireplace. Once there, she proceeded to pull the files out of her robes and toss them on the flames. She did this and returned to her chair without a further word. There was the merest hint of a smile on her face when she turned slightly to wink at Severus. 

Ron explained how they had taken off on foot from the police station but he faltered when he came to the part where they emerged onto the deserted street with the two cars. He looked helplessly at Harry and Hermione who were both also at a loss. Should they reveal that a staff person had hot-wired and stolen a car? 

"At this point," Ella said, looking at Dumbledore with a most innocent expression, "I stole a muggle vehicle to take us to the Dursleys." 

"Ella!" McGonagall breathed, shocked. 

"Really!" Arthur Weasley asked, clearly fascinated, "How did you get it to start?". 

"Muggle magic," Ella said simply. 

"We then returned here from the Dursleys" Snape added rather quickly. 

"Indeed?" Dumbledore said, the first hint of a twinkle in his eye, "I don't suppose you'd care to explain what happened to the car?" 

Snape looked sharply at Ella. Had she told the ministry to clear the car away? 

"You know," Ella said in a voice that made it clear she knew she sounded unconvincing, "I think I forgot to tell the ministry about the car." 

"You didn't!" McGonagall said. 

"Afraid so," Ella said, sounding not the least bit regretful. "I rather expect that the muggle police have located it by now. I'm sure the Dursleys were happy to explain how they wound up with a stolen car in their drive." 

Snape's fist flew to his mouth and he looked down suddenly quite absorbed in the carpet. To his credit his shoulders only twitched very slightly. McGonagall and the Students were agape. Arthur Weasley looked non-plussed. For his part, Dumbledore was suddenly overcome with a cough. When he looked up at Ella his face was grave. "Madam Figg, it appears you have left Harry's relatives in a difficult situation." Ella wasn't fooled by Dumbledore's serious expression or manner. She knew that hadn't been a real cough. 

"Well, as they didn't actually steal the car, their fingerprints won't be on it. Ours will, but the muggles no longer have a record of them," Ella said with a meaningful look at the fireplace. "When the police don't find any evidence against the Dursleys, I'm sure the matter will clear itself up." 

"Most likely," Dumbledore agreed. Shifting his gaze to Harry, Ron, and Hermione he said, "This leaves us with only one other matter to clear up." 

"Begging your pardon, sir," Hermione said, "But I'm still confused about something." 

"Yes, Miss Granger?" 

"The Dursleys were on vacation and never had any contact with Death Eaters, correct?" Dumbledore nodded. "Well, if Death Eaters weren't there, who killed Mr. Perkins?" 

"Just because the Dursleys weren't there does not necessarily mean that Death Eaters were not, Miss Granger." Dumbledore pointed out. "However, your assumption that they were not involved is correct." 

"Then how?" Harry asked. 

"Yes, well," Mr. Weasley said, "It seems the ministry jumped to a bit of a conclusion. Unfortunately, determination of poor Perkins' exact cause of death waited a little longer than it should have." 

"And that cause of death would have been?" Ella asked, an edge to her voice. 

"Coronary arrest." 

"I see," Snape hissed. Ella said nothing. Harry, Ron, and Hermione just goggled at Mr. Weasley. 

"You mean, all this? All this worry and panic and trouble...?" Harry finally said. 

"Totally unnecessary." Snape said sharply. 

"However," McGonagall, said quite severely, "The Ministry's mistake does not excuse your mistakes. Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, and Miss Granger, I cannot tell you how very disappointed I am in all three of you. I understand that the apparent disappearance of Mr. Potter's relatives was upsetting and your desire to help was commendable. This, however, does not excuse your thoughtless, inconsiderate and reckless actions! I don't think you can appreciate what you put our staff and your parents through!" McGonagall's lip twitched and she turned away for a brief moment. 

"I am afraid," Dumbledore continued in a grave voice and without the merest trace of a twinkle in his eye, "that professor McGonagall is quite correct. I fear you have underestimated the seriousness of what you've done. It is our sad duty, however, to make you aware of the consequences." 

All three faces paled suddenly as they each of them focused on the same thought: "He's going to expel us!" 

"You are most fortunate, children," McGonagall said, "that the Headmaster is inclined to take extenuating circumstances into account. You will, therefore, not be expelled." 

All three students and Mr. Weasley let out a breath. 

"Miss Granger, it will not be appropriate for you to continue as a prefect." 

Hermione nodded, her now over-bright eyes on the carpet. 

"Of course, all three of you will not be permitted to visit Hogsmeade for the remainder of the year. In addition, you have EACH lost seventy-five points from Gryffindor." 

All three students winced at this. 

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley," McGonagall continued relentlessly, "I would keep each of you from participation in Quidditch were that not unfair to your housemates - as they are already burdened with a two-hundred twenty-five point deduction on your account. We have not yet agreed on the number of detentions you must each serve but rest assured-" 

"Minerva," Ella interrupted, "if Snape and I could have a brief word, we might be able to settle the matter very quickly." 

McGonagall looked a bit taken aback but quickly recovered, barking, "Children, wait in the corridor!" 

Harry, Ron, and Hermione did as they were told, walking numbly to the corridor and shutting the office door behind them. 

"You don't suppose she's pleading for mercy do you?" Ron asked glumly. 

"Not with Snape on the team," Harry said. 

"It doesn't really matter anyway, detention," Hermione said grimly, "when Gryffindor finds out we've lost all those points..." 

"They're going to kill us, that's all," Ron moaned, " Fred and George will hold us down and they'll kill us." 

"No they won't," Harry said grimly, "They need us to earn points at Quidditch. Aside from that, though, we're pretty much done for." 

"Well," Hermione offered weakly, "they got over it the last time..." 

"Yeah, but then we'd only done it once." Ron pointed out. 

"What was I thinking?" Harry moaned, "The Dursley's aren't worth this!" 

To both Harry and Hermione's surprise Ron began to chuckle. 

"This isn't funny Ron!" Hermione insisted. 

"I know," Ron said, between laughs, "I was just thinking that the Dursleys might not be worth it, but I'm not sure seeing Snape in jail wasn't!" 

Harry and Hermione just stared at him for a minute, then Harry let out a snort of laughter and even Hermione started sputtering with giggles. 

"I just wish we'd gotten our hands on those arrest records!" Ron lamented, "That police photo of Snape would probably have gone a long way towards getting us back in Gryffindor's good books... or Fred and George's at any rate!" 

Hermione smiled at this, her face bearing a look very similar to the one that had been on Ella's face when she mentioned the likelihood of the muggle police finding a stolen car in the Dursley's driveway. 

"Oh, I think I can help us there," she said. 

"How?" Harry asked, skeptical. 

"With this," she said, reaching into her pocket and withdrew a folded page of newspaper. 

"It's not!" Ron said with a grin. 

"Oh, but it is!" Hermione said, unfolding the page to reveal the article topped with Snape and Figg's mug shots. 

Before any of them could say anything further the door began to open and Hermione hastily refolded the article and shoved it in her pocket. All three students re-entered McGonagall's office feeling a bit better than they had upon leaving moments earlier. 

"Well, Children," McGonagall said, "much though we might enjoy seeing you scrub hospital-wing bedpans & school trophies without magic, and as dearly as we had hoped to send you out to the Forbidden Forest at midnight, we have found something more constructive for you to do." 

"Some of your fellow fifth year students are having difficulty in preparing to take their O.W.L.s this year," Ella picked up, "Each of you, therefore, will be assigned a student to tutor until the exams are given." 

Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at each other. This didn't sound like tremendous fun, but it really wasn't that bad. Still, if they were getting off lightly, why was Snape looking so happy? 

"Both Professor Snape and I will be expecting regular reports on your progress. You three will report to me. Professor Snape will hear from the three students you are tutoring." Ella said in a matter of fact tone. 

At that moment Dumbledore was seized with another sudden cough and McGonagall wore a look of grim satisfaction. 

"Yes," Snape said, smiling, "I think we can look forward to a great deal of progress from Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle. Don't you, Ella?" 

FINIS 

****** 

Author's Note: 

Well, you didn't expect Harry, Ron, and Hermione to keep getting off without punishment, did you? 

There are two loose ends I'd like to tie up or snip... First, the magical pendant Figg gave Harry at the beginning: No, he didn't remember to put it on before leaving Hogwarts and probably wouldn't have used it, anyway. That pendant/talisman is a fragment from the original "I don't intend to finish this" story. I'll probably go back and delete that bit at a later date. As for Ron and Quidditch: I figure he'll have tried out for the vacant Keeper spot on the Gryffindor team. Hermione losing her prefect's position? Well, you know they wouldn't have let her keep it. Besides, it probably wouldn't have been good for her to stay a prefect, anyway. She still needs to loosen up. 

  
  


A very, very, very large "thank you" to my faithful beta reader for all of his help, suggestions, and for brainstorming on the plot!

So, now that you've read the whole thing I would ask you to please review it. After all the work I would very much appreciate it. You can even send flames... it's supposed to be an extra cold winter, and I could use them! :-) 

Thanks,  
HLB


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